Chapter 1

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1 The Beginning of This Story Instead Dave and me were on a routine croissant heist. It was something we'd done at least a hundred times before. In fact, the first time I met Dave was on a croissant heist. Back then, Dave told me he had just won a Medal of the Brave which he wore all the time. (Though I

heard a rumour later it was just a bottle top that had got stuck to him with a piece of chewing gum when he got caught in a bin bag once). Dave was swooping in from the opposite side of the pond when we both spotted a half-eaten croissant abandoned under a bench. We dived down, crashing towards the same gap between two planks of bench wood, and landed at the exact same time. There we were, dangling upside down, stuck in the bench, when a huge goose grabbed our croissant and waddled off with it. A goose, for Bird's sake.

We never did get that croissant back, did we? Dave! What? Do you want me to tell this story? Sorry, Skipper. On you go.

What I was about to say was- we never got our croissant back. We caught up to the goose just fine, but let me tell you some- thing about geese. They are far bigger up close than when you see them in the distance. And they are very pecky. We were grateful to leave that fight with all our feathers. Dave and I have been friends ever since. Have you got to the bit where I almost lost my life? Can you stop interrupting me?! I was just about to start that bit, but you keep ruining the story by giving things away!

Where was I? Ah, yes. The day we met Mean Cat. Our one hundredth croissant heist. It was a bright, sunny morning, and me and Dave were starving. Peck-your- own-feathers-off starving. All we'd had for breakfast were the wet breadcrumbs a Little Human had already chewed and spat out, and a teeny-tiny piece of an iced bun we'd managed to steal from a duck. That's when I spotted a Human Lady. We couldn't believe our luck. Everyone knows that Human Ladies like to carry around crusts with them. Dave said that's what their handbags were for. Dave and I pattered over trying to look friendly and hungry.