3 Awooga awooga awooga!

CHAPTER THREE Awooga awooga awooga! Benny Knuckles was an elderly squirrel who had been delivering the post in Grimwood for many years. He rode his small bicycle through the woods and always had a friendly nod and smile for everyone he passed. Anyway, after some long discussions with his wife, Pat, Benny had decided the time was right to hang up his hat.

'We could take a cruise!' said Pat, waving some leaflets at him. 'We could get a new microwave! The world is our oyster, Benny.' Benny chuckled as he took off his hat and uniform for the last time and neatly placed them on a small chair. 'I don't need no fancy microwaves or cruises, darlin',' he said. 'I just need you.' 'Aww, Benny!' Pat cooed. 'Though a gold watch, sports car and a flatscreen telly would also be quite nice,' said Benny, scratching at his matted tail. Pat giggled and put on a sparkly dress. 'We'd best get ready for your retirement party, Benny,' she said. 'Yes darlin',' said Benny, popping on his flat cap. 'And can I just say, you look like a million acorns!' Pat blushed shyly. Benny's retirement party was being held near the Small Pond, which was a small pond in the middle of Grimwood. Wiggy and Titus arrived first, hurriedly emptying bags of half-eaten party snacks into fresh bowls and plates. Willow and Ted had dragged over some balloons from the theatre party, many of which had now deflated and gone all floppy and spongy. 'Hmm, it seems standards have fallen,' remarked Frank, tidying up a bowl of cheesy snackos. 'Too… many… parties,' panted Titus, a crazed look in his eyes as he quickly tried to construct a cupcake tower with one hoof and wrap a retirement present with the other.

Suddenly, there was much cheering as Benny Knuckles and Pat slowly shuffled towards everyone. The red and grey squirrels of Grimwood formed a guard of honour with their tails for the couple to walk through. Titus presented Benny with a large, long present and everyone cheered. Benny unwrapped it. 'It's… a stick,' said Benny. 'It's a walking stick!' said Titus, brightly. 'But… I don't need a walking stick,' said Benny, reasonably. 'I'm not actually that old. I've taken early retirement.' 'Hmm, yes, maybe we didn't think this through,' mumbled Titus. 'Anyway! Would you like to say a few words, Benny?' Benny cleared his throat and addressed the crowd. 'Hiya. I've been delivering the post in Grimwood for most of my life,' he began. 'Aaaah, how nice,' said the crowd, and gave him a round of applause.

'I've visited every home and every animal in Grimwood,' continued Benny. 'And I can safely say that all of you are, without exception… a bunch of horrible smelly weirdos.' 'Oi!' said the crowd, indignantly. 'Oh no. Oh dear,' said Titus worriedly. 'NONE of you have ever said so much as a thank you,' continued Benny. 'I've never had a pay rise! Or a Christmas card! So yeah, I've had it with this stupid job. As far as I'm concerned, you can all GET KNOTTED.' There was a brief period of silence before the crowd started booing and throwing things at Benny's head. This made Benny even more angry. He turned around, lifted up his tail and waggled his bottom at everyone. Then he released a terrible smell, which made everyone cry. 'Now, now, everyone,' said Titus. 'Let's all calm down and remember why we're here. We've come together to celebrate Benny's wonderful achievements! This is meant to be a party, remember?' Suddenly, the sky grew dark. There was a squawk. A very loud squawk.

'Oh no,' sighed Frank. Because he knew what that squawk meant. 'Oh, for goodness' sake,' snapped Ingrid, rolling her eyes. Nancy covered Ted's eyes.

'Run! Run for your lives!' cried a squirrel called Ginger Fiasco who, to be perfectly honest, I had forgotten about. Titus fainted. All this hoo-ha was because the loud squawk had come from Pamela the eagle. Pamela was huge. She was fast. And she was hungry. She swooped down and grabbed poor Benny by his big squirrely tail. Then she flew up with him gripped firmly in her giant talons. 'Weirdos!' shouted Benny, shaking his fist as Pamela carried him away to certain death. 'Benny, my darling!' cried Pat. And she sobbed into her big floofy tail. 'There, there, Pat,' said Martin, a squirrel who had always secretly had a MASSIVE crush on Pat. 'Don't worry. I'll look after you.' 'Oh, thank you, Martin. I'd really like that,' smiled Pat, who– gasp!– had a crush on Martin, too.