5 Partying

CHAPTER FIVE Partying Nothing remained of poor Romeo and Juliet apart from a top hat and a small bouquet of flowers, which was quickly swiped by Keeley, Juliet's chief bridesmaid. Titus staggered to the front of the crowd. 'Er… um… well, hello, everyone. What a terrible… um… incident. For those of you who don't know, that was Pamela. She's a little bit of a character, as you can see, hahaha! But we're ever so fond of her.' The crowd was silent. 'Well!' said Titus, fiddling with his top hat. 'I had been asked by the bride and groom– our dearly departed bride and groom, that is– to do a little wedding speech. Romeo had given me some funny stories about some of the japes he got up to on those treebonk tours! Yes, Lance, I'm looking at you, haha!' Nobody laughed. Titus chewed on his hoof. He wasn't sure what to say. He glanced at Wiggy, who gave him a thumbs up and pretended to eat something. Willow stood on a log and did a little dance. Frank raised his eyebrows and shrugged.

'Well. Given the tragic circumstances,' continued Titus, 'and, er, as a tribute to this lovely, um, dead, couple… shall we have the food and the disco anyway?' The crowd cheered. 'Phew!' cried Titus. He ran off the stage, buried his snout into Wiggy's armpit and had a little cry. 'Well done, Titus,' said Frank. 'That can't have been easy.' Crusty McTavish wheeled himself over. 'I do wish you'd said something about the whole murderous eagle thing, Titus,' he said. 'I'm SO sorry, Crusty,' sniffled Titus. 'We usually muzzle Pamela on big occasions, but I'm afraid this time we clean forgot.' Crusty looked around at the guests. 'I suppose you're right,' he sighed. 'There's no point wasting this food, is there? We may as well turn it into a celebration of their little squirrely lives. A toast, to Romeo and Juliet! Who knew their love would be so doomed?' 'You fools!' cried Ingrid. 'In the play Romeo and Juliet both snuff it at the end. And I TOLD you all this. But did you listen to Ingrid? No, you did not.' She snapped her small mirror shut and furiously waddled off. A pair of duck feet were sticking out from under a bush. Ted gently tugged on them, and out slid Tamara, who seemed to have had a small nervous breakdown. 'The bird!' she blabbered. 'It came out of nowhere!' Ted patted her on the head. 'There was nothing you could have done, Tamara,' he said. 'Don't feel bad. Do you happen to know where the DJ is? I

think we could do with some music.' Tamara's eyes flashed wide. 'The DJ!' she whispered. 'The DJ has been missing for hours!' Ted scratched his nose and had a think. 'Is the DJ Sharon the Party Crow?' he asked. Tamara nodded and crawled slowly back beneath the bush. The remaining squirrels were quite relaxed, all things considered. 'You're not worried, then?' asked Willow. 'What with your mates just getting eaten?' 'It's a risk we take every day.' Ginger Fiasco shrugged, tucking into a bowl of Cheesy Snackos. 'You run with the squirrels, you're gonna get burned. Besides, Pamela's had her dinner for now.' Willow gave Ginger a fist bump. 'Respect,' she said. The grand wedding cake sat in the middle of the table. 'Woah!' said Ted. 'Five cakes stacked together. It's amazing, Titus!' Titus chuckled shyly. 'Yes, it's turned out quite well, I suppose. Such a shame the bride never got to eat it.' There was a peculiar noise. 'MPHPHPHPHPHHPH!' 'What was that?' asked Nancy. 'Maybe it's… THE STINK MONSTER!' hooted Willow, and she did a karate chop. 'When can we cut the cake, Titus?' asked Ted.

'I was rather hoping we could get a photo of it first,' said Titus. 'Wiggy's gone to get a camera.' The cake moved. 'Aaargh!' said Ted, leaping into Willow's lap. 'The wedding cake! It's haunted!' The cake began to tremble and shake. Cracks grew across the icing. 'Noooo!' cried Titus. 'What's happening?' Suddenly, the cake EXPLODED. Icing, buttercream, jam and sponge cake flew everywhere. 'AWOOGA AWOOGA!' It was Sharon the Party Crow.

'AWOOGA! HAVE BEEN TRAPPED INSIDE CAKE FOR SEVERAL HOURS!' she hooted. 'CAN'T LIE, GOT PRETTY HOT IN THERE! AWOOOOOGA, LET'S PARTY!!!' While Titus sobbed quietly over the remains of his creation, Sharon ate her way out and strutted over to her disco shopping trolley, which was conveniently located nearby. She put on her headphones and cranked up the volume. 'WHOOP WHOOP! DJ SHARON IN DA HOUUUUSE!' 'Finally, some dancing!' hooted Willow, and she and her 436 brothers and sisters ran onto the dancefloor (which was just a patch of grass with a few pinecones scattered around. This isn't a nightclub you know.). Aaaah, I used to go to this nightclub called 'Crawlers' when I was a younger. All the other groovy insects would be there. It was very dark. With a sticky floor. Thinking about it, we were under a fridge. 'Ingrid, my daaahling,' said Sir Charles Fotheringay. 'We never had a first dance at our wedding. Would you make me the proudest duck on Earth and have it with me now?' 'Urrgh,' said Ingrid, rolling her eyes. 'Fine.' She allowed Sir Charles to lead her onto the dancefloor. Then they performed an energetic dance routine together. At

one point Sir Charles spun on his back and flung Ingrid into the air using his flippery feet. Everyone stopped and stood around them in a circle, cheering and clapping until it was over.