12 Treebonkin

CHAPTER TWELVE Treebonkin' It was the evening of the treebonk match. Nancy and the rest of the treebonkers were limbering up. Squirrels were stretching each other's tails, jogging on the spot and loudly saying things like 'HOO-HA!' The badgers had agreed to patrol the treebonk clearing during the match. Monty was wildly excited about their important new job, and made them wear bright yellow neon vests that said 'SECURITY' on the back. 'We won't let that rotter escape this time, folks,' he said, leaning against the Jeep door, casually spinning a torch around by the loop. The Twinklenuts team looked a little more nervous than usual. 'All right, gaffer?' said Nancy to their team captain, Reena. Reena laughed.

'Umm, yeah, we're a bit on edge,' she said. 'Some of us are worried about your eagle pal eating them. Others are worried about that giant monster.' 'Are you worried?' asked Nancy. 'Nah,' scoffed Reena. 'I'm just bothered about winning the match.' Titus clopped some coconut shells together. 'Let the treebonk match… COMMENCE!' You do know what treebonk is, don't you? The ancient woodland game where squirrels (and Nancy) fling themselves from tree to tree, colliding with each other and trying not to hit the ground? Don't make me explain it again, please. Oh! Except 1 just did. Hooray! Ted and Willow were up to something. 'Wicked,' said Willow, smearing mud on Ted's snout. 'You look well hard.' Ted frowned. 'I'm not sure I do,' he said. Willow had torn up one of her sister's T-shirts and tied a strip around Ted's forehead. 'Got the supplies?' she asked.

Ted looked in his rucksack. 'Yup,' he said. 'We've got a torch, my notebook, the walkie-talkies, a compact mirror, some pencils, a harmonica, a flask of tea and some custard creams.' 'Good. It is VERY important you remember the custard creams,' said Willow. Ted tried to smile but his heart wasn't in it. 'I dunno, Willow,' he mumbled. 'I'm not sure about this.' Willow's eyes narrowed. 'Don't be a wimp, Ted,' she growled. 'You said you were with me!' 'I am with you,' said Ted. 'I just… don't want to get killed by the Bigfoot.' Willow harrumphed and adjusted her face paint. 'We don't even know if Bigfoots kill anything,' she said. 'It might be friendly!' 'Nancy almost getting killed by those falling tyres didn't feel very friendly!' said Ted, chucking the rucksack on his back. Willow had made a sling for the spade she'd 'borrowed' from Wiggy's Jeep. They scampered out of the fox den. All was quiet. Then they heard a 'TREEEEEEBOOOOONK!' in the distance. 'Brilliant,' said Willow. 'The match has started.' And she held her paw up in the air. 'Monster hunterrrrrrrrs, GO!' she yelped. 'Monster hunters, go…' mumbled Ted, gingerly giving her a high-five.

This all sounds entirely sensible, I'm sure they are not being ridiculous and irresponsible. Pamela was in a big old huff.

Her best friend, Sharon the Party Crow, was acting as cheerleader and chief DJ at the treebonk match. But Pamela had been told that she was not allowed to attend, thanks to the 'wedding incident'. 'These creatures are all so sensitive,' she moaned. 'In the old days I could eat whoever I wanted and nobody made a squeak! Now it's all "they were my friend" and "it was their wedding day". Hmph.' She turned her attention to her camera monitors instead. Then she shook a bottle of fizzy lemonade and opened it, so it all exploded onto her face. It was her favourite way to enjoy a relaxing tipple. She was so busy chugging lemonade she didn't spot Ted and Willow crawling through the forest on their little furry stomachs. 'Have you seen anything yet?' whispered Ted. 'No,' said Willow. 'Keep shuffling.'

They were sweeping their torches in front of them, hoping to spot more footprints. They were somewhere above the Small Pond, going further into the woods. Far away from the cheers of the treebonk match, that was for sure. Ted spotted them first. 'Willow!' he hissed. 'Look!' He shone his torchlight and Willow saw six perfectly formed monster footprints. She gasped. 'The Bigfoot is nearby!' she said. She raised her adorable little nose to the air and twitched it. 'I can smell it, I swear!' whispered Willow, feeling very dramatic and important. She started to untie the spade. Ted looked up. They were under a large, gnarly oak tree. He shivered, because it was all a bit spooky. Willow chucked the spade at Ted. 'Quick! Get digging!' So he did. I'm not keen on garden spades, truth be told. My cousin Neville lost six of his arms thanks to one of them. Rather ruined the mood of our summer barbecue. Meanwhile, it was half-time at the treebonk match. The score was Twinklenuts 6, Grimwood 625. The scoring system was very confusing.