8 Sebastian Silver's Great Big Plan

CHAPTER EIGHT Sebastian Silver's Great Big Plan In the clearing outside Titus's caravan, there were logs to be sat upon and tables on which to rest paws and cups of tea. It was usually a cheery place, but this morning the vibe was gloomy. Titus plonked a teapot down and sighed. He was eating a big bowl of 'Ooh, yum,' said Frank, swooping down to sit beside him. 'Punishment Muesli, my favourite!' Titus grunted. Punishment Muesli was the most horrible breakfast ever, and he only ate it when he felt sad, because it

made him feel sadder, and sometimes that felt like the right thing to do. And worry not, folks, because HERE is the recipe for… PUNISHMENT MUESLI INGREDIENTS: 3 twigs, snapped into tiny little pieces. spoonful of grit 10 small pebbles 5 leaves 1 small onion, which is old and soft and has grown weird long knobbly bits 2 empty snail shells, to garnish METHOD: Put all of the ingredients into a bowl. Point at the bowl and tell it off for being disgusting. Add milk. Enjoy!

Hello! Eric 'Health and Safety' Dynamite here to ask you NOT to make or eat Punishment Muesli because it will taste horrible and you may die, which would be a total downer. Thaaaaaanks! 'I have a feeling of doom and dread, Frank,' said Titus. 'Doom and dread!' 'Ach, don't get yourself all wound up, Titus,' said Frank. 'Yes, you are making a big Titus-shaped fuss about nothing,' announced Ingrid, waddling out of the caravan with a chilled tomato juice and a dish of olives. 'So we have some neighbours. So what? So their place is nicer. So what? So they've put up an electric fence to keep us out. Who cares? Not me. I do not give any of the monkeys.' And she tossed an olive into her beak. Suddenly, the sky went dark and a loud noise gave the friends a jolt. CHOP-CHOP-CHOP-CHOP-CHOP… Everyone ducked under the table as a strong wind blew dust and leaves into the air. When they opened their eyes, they saw a tall, handsome figure with glossy fur and a thick, luxurious tail stepping out of

a shiny silver helicopter. 'It's him,' croaked Titus. Sebastian Silver strode towards the caravan. Behind him scurried a stoat, carrying rolls of paper that it kept almost dropping. And behind the stoat was a serious-looking hare, holding a red briefcase. 'Titus!' boomed Sebastian Silver. 'It is Titus, isn't it?' Titus picked himself up off the ground, dusted himself down and nodded. 'Hello! I'm Sebastian Silver. Perhaps some of your… friends have mentioned me?' Even though he was in shock, Titus was an extremely polite stag. He took a deep breath. 'Titus Crazyhorns at your service! I welcome you and your friends to Grimwood.' And he did an awkward bow. 'Lovely!' beamed Sebastian Silver. 'I wonder if you have time for a little chat?' 'Bananas!' screamed Titus. 'Er, sorry, I mean, yes, of course.'

Sebastian raised his eyebrows and shoved the stoat forwards. 'This is my associate, Susan Kidneys,' said Sebastian. The stoat took a bow, immediately dropping all the rolls of paper. 'And this is my lawyer, Fatima Hostile,' he continued. The hare gave a quick, stern nod. 'Anyone for an iced bun?' asked Titus weakly. 'No, thank you. We're here on important business, Mr Crazyhorns,' said Sebastian Silver, sitting himself down without asking. He nodded at Susan Kidneys. The stoat spread out one roll of paper on the table, placing pebbles in the corners so it stayed flat. 'Golly,' said Titus. 'What's this?' 'A map that has been sitting in the Twinklenuts library for years,' said Sebastian Silver grandly. 'After I learned about Grimwood, I did some digging around and just happened to find it. Aren't we lucky?' Titus leant forward to get a closer look but was whacked on the snout with a ruler. 'You have NOT been authorized to look at the map,' said Fatima Hostile, who was the ruler-whacker. 'Now what we have here,' said Sebastian Silver, 'is a map of Twinklenuts. And, I suppose, of Grimwood. You see, the border of Twinklenuts is here.' Susan Kidneys traced a huge circle over most of the map. 'You may now look at the map,' said Fatima Hostile. Titus frowned. 'So where is Grimwood?' he asked. 'Is it that little red blob over there?'

Sebastian Silver peered closely. 'Ah, no, that's a splodge of raspberry jam from my breakfast scone,' he said. Susan traced a much smaller circle with her stick. 'You see this area here, yes?' 'The one that says "barren wasteland"?' asked Titus. 'Indeed,' said Susan, pushing her glasses up her nose. 'The area you call "Grimwood" is actually this patch of dirty useless land INSIDE the border of Twinklenuts Forest.' Titus frowned. 'I… I don't understand,' he muttered. 'It means, old chap, that Grimwood doesn't exist!' hooted Sebastian Silver. He stretched his arms out. 'This– all of this– belongs to Twinklenuts! You belong to Twinklenuts!' Then he threw back his head and laughed. Frank perched on Titus's antlers. 'Look here, sonny,' he said to Sebastian Silver. 'We tried to visit you lot and got zapped by your electric fence. That wasn't very neighbourly now, was it? So, I suggest you buzz off, pronto.'