7 Titus moans

CHAPTER SEVEN Titus moans Ted, Nancy, Willow and Wiggy bounced back from Twinklenuts and headed straight for Titus's caravan. The cheerful stag was sitting outside with Frank, working his way through an enormous plate of biscuits. 'We've discovered a new place!' shouted Willow. 'It's called Twinklenuts and it's amaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa 'And, and there was a LAKE and a theatre and all sorts of brilliant things!' said Ted, hopping up and down. 'It was SO perfect and pretty, Titus! AND we got free fizzy orange! But then Willow farted and we had to leave.' Titus opened his mouth in shock and half a biscuit fell out. 'Yeah, there's a mayor too,' said Nancy. 'A fox. Some dude called Sebastian Silver. Posh fella. Not sure what his game is.' 'He's SO cool!' said Ted, eyes shining. 'A proper grown-up fox, Titus!' 'Basically,' continued Willow, 'Twinklenuts is just like Grimwood, but REALLY clean and fun and about a hundred times better in every way.'

Wiggy noticed that Titus suddenly looked very sad and had stopped eating his biscuits. 'Did you say… that there's another mayor?' whispered Titus. 'Oh, he's just some silly old fox,' said Wiggy gently, resting his large badgery paw on Titus's shoulder. 'Well… a dashing old fox with twinkly eyes, glossy fur and a fantastic jacket. But an old fox all the same.' A fat tear rolled down Titus's face. 'What's up with him?' asked Nancy. Then Titus threw his plate of biscuits to the floor and sobbed loudly into his hooves. Frank shook his head. 'You know how sensitive he is!' he said. 'You had no business going anywhere.' He draped a large owlish wing around Titus. 'I've always been scared of this,' howled Titus. 'Of there being a NEW place. An exciting new place everyone loves so much that they leave Grimwood for ever and I am left all alooooooooone!' And he sobbed so much that his tears drowned Dame Evelyn Taylor, a small fly who had been sitting on the table minding her own business.

Willow clambered up onto Titus's lap and shoved her paws deep into his gigantic nostrils to try to stop the flow of snot. 'We'd never leave you, Titus. And we'd never leave Grimwood either,' she said. 'It's home! Even though they did have free hot dogs.' Suddenly, a low rumbling sound made the ground shudder and shake. 'HONK, HONK! COMING THROUGH! Make way, losers, make way!' It was the badgers' Jeep, being driven by Wiggy's big brother, Monty. In the back sat his three other brothers, who were all called Jeremy. The Jeep skidded to a stop right in front of Wiggy. 'Oh, hey, bro,' said Monty. Wiggy looked confused. 'Where are you all going?' he asked. Monty adjusted his wraparound sunglasses. 'Twinklenuts, pal,' he said. 'You heard of it? There's a rumour going around that it's totally top-notch! Word is there's a massive lake, tennis courts, free fizzy orange, a posho restaurant…'

'Yes, I, um, I've actually just been there,' said Wiggy. 'Were you just going to leave without telling me?' Monty shrugged. 'Sorry, old chap, we just didn't really think about you,' he said, checking his fur in the Jeep's mirror. 'Maybe you should stay here with your weirdo pals. Seems more your kinda place, don't you think?' 'Oh,' said Wiggy and he looked down at his feet. 'Bye, Wiggster,' said Jeremy. 'See you later, bro,' said Jeremy 2. 'You can totes have my bunk bed,' said little Jeremy 3, who was the nicest Jeremy. 'Yah boo sucks, Wiggster!' hooted Monty. 'Don't be a loser all your life.' And they drove away, leaving Wiggy behind.

Oh NO! How horrid. Nancy nudged him. 'Yo,' she said. 'You all right, dude?' Wiggy nodded and wiped his eyes on his tatty old school tie. Titus sighed. 'I knew it– it's starting!' he said. 'The badgers have left Grimwood. Who will be next?' 'Absolute HOODLUMS!' quacked Ingrid, who had been napping on the caravan roof. 'Grimwood is better off without them.' 'I know!' said Willow brightly. 'Let's make Grimwood all POSH and EXCITING and GLAMOROUS and then everyone will want to stay here! Cos at the moment it's smelly and grubby and looks like a massive bin.' Titus scratched his snout. 'You could be onto something there, young rabbit,' he said. 'OK, nobody move. I'll be back soon!' And he zoomed really fast down the hill yelling 'Wheeeeeeeeeee!', which is what you have to do if you ever go really fast down a hill. Everyone waited and waited and waited. They waited so long that Ted wrote a poem, Willow assembled the world's longest daisy chain and a wasp called Igor died of boredom. Several hours later, Titus clambered back up the hill with a flip chart and a pointy stick.

'My dears! I have some exciting plans for Grimwood's future!' he trilled. He pointed to a sheet of paper on the flip chart which read: PLAN NUMBER ONE: