8 Titus makes some coffee

CHAPTER EIGHT Titus makes some coffee Titus was sitting at the small table outside the campervan he called home. Titus could often be found holding important mayoral meetings here, as well as late- night card games with Frank. But just now, he was alone, a piece of paper in front of him, scratching his snout thoughtfully. He was trying to write a book. It was called Memoirs of a Stag. He'd been working on it for about three years. 'Right!' he said, sharpening his pencil. He closed his eyes and hummed. Then he hawed. Then he hummed some more. He sighed. He thwacked at his head with the pencil. Then he said, 'Ah!' and scribbled something down. He did this again and again, each 'Ah!' louder than the one before. After about an hour, he set his pencil down, uttered a loud 'PHEW!' and wiped his brow.

It was a lovely morning in July. 'Seven words! A good day's work,' Titus said to himself, settling back into his chair to have a well- deserved nap. He was just in the middle of a delightful dream about the summer he spent fruit-picking in Italy, when the doorbell rang. 'I've brought a visitor,' said Frank. 'She cheers up if you give her coffee, apparently.' Nancy grunted. 'Oh, hello, hello!' cried Titus, leaping from his armchair and clapping his hooves together. 'A coffee drinker, are we? I absolutely LOVE the smell, but if I drink the stuff it plays havoc with my insides, just an absolute disaster for my bum area. But seeing as Frank's a fan, I always keep a stash handy. Now, take a seat and settle down, young fox.' Nancy plonked herself down at the table while Frank

busied himself in the campervan. Moments later he emerged with a battered pot, a couple of rusty tin cups, a carrot cake and some biscuits in his talons. He settled it all down in front of Nancy and poured out the hot coffee. Nancy inhaled deeply– Oh, it smelled so wonderful– and drained the cup in one go. 'Got any more?' she said, licking her lips. Frank narrowed his eyes and poured Nancy more coffee. Then he perched on top of the campervan and supped delicately from his own cup. 'So, you're from the Big City, eh?' said Titus. 'I've always wanted to visit. Tell me, is it true about the doughnut shops?' 'What about them?'

'Well… just that such palaces of wonder even exist! Can you really get ones covered in chocolate? And rainbow sprinkles?' Nancy sipped her coffee a little slower this time. 'Yep. They sell them by the dozen. They're all right, I suppose.' Titus groaned. 'Such delights,' he said, licking his lips. 'The dark forces that drove you from the Big City must have been very serious indeed.' Nancy shuddered with pleasure as the effects of the coffee started to whoosh around her body. She relaxed into her chair a little. 'There's this cat, you see,' she said. 'Princess Buttons. She's a nasty piece of work. She wants to get rid of us foxes so she can have the Speedy Chicken bins all to herself.' 'A speedy chicken? Who is this terrifying bird?' asked Titus thoughtfully. 'And why does it want to kill you?' 'No, the cat wants to kill us, not the chicken,' spluttered Nancy. 'A murderous chicken,' murmured Titus, ignoring Nancy completely. 'You poor things.' I know he's kind of kooky, but I can't help but like this guy.

Titus puffed out his chest. 'You and your brother will be safe from the killer chickens here,' he said kindly. 'And that's a Titus promise.' Nancy sighed and looked closely at Titus. He had kindly eyes, grand antlers and big flappy nostrils. And he was clearly off his head. 'It's not a chicken,' she repeated. 'Anyway… we can't go back to the Big City until Princess Buttons is gone.' 'And when will that be?' asked Titus. 'I don't know,' said Nancy. 'My mates said they'd text me to give me the all-clear. But that massive bird nicked my phone, didn't she?' Nancy was so annoyed by the memory that she banged the table with her fist, sending a custard cream flying. 'Mmmm, yes,' said Titus, removing the custard cream from his ear and putting it into his mouth. 'I am so sorry about Pamela stealing your phone.' Just then, the peace was shattered by a massive Jeep crashing through the forest. PARP, PARP! 'COMING THROUGH!'

The badgers' Jeep bounced and clunked past Titus's caravan before thunking heavily into an oak tree.