10 Treebonkin

CHAPTER TEN Treebonkin' Nancy went and sat by the pond. She wasn't sure what all these weird feelings were that were pinging about inside her. 'Go away, feelings,' she said. 'Get lost.' And she threw an acorn into the murky water. After a few seconds, the acorn was thrown back and it hit Nancy on the nose. 'Ow!' said Nancy and threw it back in again. The pond threw back an even bigger acorn. 'Oi!' said Nancy, jumping to her feet. 'You! Pond! Stop throwing things at me!' 'Arguing with water now, are we?' asked Frank, who was perched on the branch of a nearby hollybush. 'Wouldn't surprise me.' Nancy spun round and pointed at the pond. 'Did you see that?' she barked. 'That ain't normal!' Frank shrugged. 'Lot of things aren't "normal" around here, kid. You

may as well get used to it.' Nancy gave a hollow laugh, and Frank spun his head around so it was almost back-to-front, which is something all owls like to do now and then just to show off. WOOH! LOOK AT ME AND MY SPINNY HEAD 'I think I know something that might help,' said Frank. 'Come with me, kid.' Nancy had to run to keep up with the massive owl as he weaved his way expertly through the branches. Every now and then he had to swoop and duck as a squirrel shot overhead shouting, "TREEBONK!'

'Right, that's it,' cried Nancy. 'What IS treebonk? Why do I keep seeing squirrels smashing themselves into tree trunks?' Frank gave a chuckle. 'Treebonk is the official sport of Grimwood, and we take it very seriously indeed,' he said. 'I remember when I first landed here, I couldn't make head nor tail of it. But it's really very simple.' 'OK, well, I'm listening,' said Nancy. Frank took a deep breath and began to explain.

ERIC DYNAMITE'S Beginner's Guide to TREEBONK! With additional material by E. Dynamite Foreword by Ericus Dynamitus What is treebonk? Treebonk is a game where players (or 'bonkers') fling themselves into large trees. Then they must immediately bounce off that tree onto another tree, and then another, and so on, for as long as possible. That sounds quite hard. It is. Are you allowed to touch the ground?

Nope. How many bonkers are on one team? There is no limit to the number of bonkers you can have on a treebonk team. But both teams must have an equal amount of bonkers. This means there can be a great big treebonk battle with a hundred bonkers on each team. Or there can be an intense duel with bonker against bonker. What else happens? Players can upset their opponents using the following methods: Colliding in mid-air so you both crash to the ground. Hiding in trees to tickle the armpits of the enemy. Leaving sticky things on trunks (e.g. honey or glue) to slow down other treebonkers. How do you win at treebonk? The last treebonker standing wins the match. I thought you weren't allowed to stand? Oh, you know what I mean. Is treebonk dangerous? Yes.

Is treebonk stupid? Yes. Why are we all playing treebonk then? There wasn't room for a tennis court. 'Right,' said Nancy. 'I think I understand. Is it only squirrels who play?' 'Aye,' said Frank. 'They're well suited to it. Big tails. Enjoy flinging themselves off trees. I coach them sometimes. I teach them about gliding. I took over after Pamela… after she… well, it doesn't matter.' At this point, three squirrels zoomed overhead and splatted against the tree boughs. 'Hi, Frank!' 'Hullo!' 'Howdy!' Frank gave the bonkers a nod as he swooped by. Nancy shook her head. Treebonk sounded like a ridiculous game. Though she could imagine all that whizzing and bouncing could be kind of… fun. 'Ah,' said Frank after a while. 'Here we are.' Nancy looked up and saw the electricity pylon. 'They call it "the Magic Tower",' said Frank. 'It's an electricity pylon,' said Nancy flatly. 'Aye, I know, clever clogs,' said Frank. 'It certainly used to be. But now… well, now it's a little bit more than