Chapter 1

CHARLIE MORPHS INTO A MAMMOTH

查理变成了一头猛犸象

CHAPTER 1 Charlie McGuffin was late again. And he really couldn't be late this time or he was a dead man. And what was Charlie McGuffin late for? That's an excellent question, dear reader. You all seem like a clever bunch, not like that dreadful crowd who read the last two books. They were awful. I think you guys are going to be my favourite readers so far– I can feel it in my bones. So, in answer to your question: Charlie McGuffin couldn't be late for his school trip or he was a dead man. And where was the school trip to? Another great question, you clever reader! Well done! The school trip was to the local zoo. And was he actually going to be dead if he was late?

第一章查理·麦高芬又迟到了。 这次他真的不能迟到了，否则他就死定了。 查理·麦高芬为什么迟到了？ 这是一个很好的问题，亲爱的读者。 你们看起来都很聪明，不像那群读了最后两本书的可怕的人。 他们太可怕了。我想你们将是我目前为止最喜欢的读者——我能从骨子里感觉到这一点。 那么，我来回答你的问题：查理·麦高芬的学校旅行不可能迟到，否则他就死定了。 学校的旅行是去哪里的？ 又一个好问题，聪明的读者！做得好!学校的旅行是去当地的动物园。 如果他迟到了，他真的会死吗？

No! Of course he wasn't! Now that was a silly question. I meant he'd just be in quite a lot of trouble. You know, we got off to a good start, reader, but I'm beginning to have my doubts. So, to be clear– Charlie McGuffin couldn't be late for his school trip or he was a dead (not actually dead) man. Oh, come ON. What is wrong with you? What do you mean, 'Is Charlie a man?' No! I know I said he was a 'dead man' but that was just a phrase. He's obviously a boy. There's even a picture of him on the cover of the book! I take back everything I said earlier. You're every bit as dreadful as the readers of the last book. Possibly worse. I should have learned by now– I only ever get disappointed by readers. I suggest you run into the bathroom, take a good hard look at yourself in the mirror (if you can bear to) and then repeat three times, 'I'm a massive bum-faced wazzock'. Meanwhile, I'm going to have to start all over again and I want NO QUESTIONS this time from you people.

不!他当然不是！这是个愚蠢的问题。 我是说他会有很多麻烦。 你知道，我们开了个好头，读者，但我开始怀疑了。 所以，要明确一点——查理·麦高芬不可能在学校旅行中迟到，否则他就是个死人（不是真的死了）。 哦，别这样。你怎么了？ “查理是男人吗？”你是什么意思？不!我知道我说过他是一个“死人”，但那只是一个短语。 他显然是个男孩。这本书的封面上甚至有他的照片！我收回我之前说的话。 你们和上一本书的读者一样可怕。 可能更糟。我现在应该明白了——我只会对读者感到失望。 我建议你跑进浴室，对着镜子好好看看自己（如果你能忍受的话），然后重复三遍：“我是一个大屁股的笨蛋。” 与此同时，我将不得不重新开始，这次我希望你们不要问任何问题。

CHAPTER 1 Charlie McGuffin was late again. And he really couldn't be late this time, or he was a deadfn1 man.fn2 Charlie had eighteen minutes to get to school if he didn't want to miss the coach which was due to leave at precisely 9 a.m. to take his whole year to the zoo. Miss Fyre, the headmistress, had given them all a warning in assembly the day before: anyone who missed the bus would spend the whole day scrubbing the teachers' toilets with the caretaker, Mr O'Dear. Charlie hoovered up his corn flakes,fn3 flung on his coat and jumped into his shoes,fn4 trying to ignore the sound of his parents arguing again. He flew out of the door,fn5 hopped onto his trusty bike and started pedalling. That was when disaster struck.

第一章查理·麦高芬又迟到了。 这次他真的不能迟到了，否则他就死定了。查理必须在18分钟内赶到学校，否则他就赶不上定于上午9点准时出发的马车了。 带他一整年去动物园。 前一天，女校长弗尔小姐在集会上警告过大家：谁要是没赶上公共汽车，就得和管理员奥迪尔先生一起刷一整天的厕所。 查理捡起玉米片，匆匆穿上外套，跳上鞋子，尽量不去理会父母再次争吵的声音。 他飞奔出门，跳上他那辆可靠的自行车，开始踩着踏板。 就在这时，灾难降临了。

His front wheel immediately started making an odd clicking noise and began to deflate. Charlie groaned. He couldn't have a puncture. But a puncture it was. Dug deep into the tyre were four drawing pins. Four? How had that happened? Charlie looked down at the pavement and saw at least twenty more pins scattered all over the ground. Somebody must have accidentally dropped a box and not picked them up, Charlie thought, without a hint of suspicion, which he really should have had, considering this is the start of the book and suspicious goings-on always happen at the start of books. Well, that's just really bad luck, Charlie thought. No one would put drawing pins on the pavement outside my house on purpose. Anyway, there was nothing he could do about it now. He was definitely going to be late and miss the school trip. Unless… Unless…

他的前轮立即开始发出奇怪的咔哒声，并开始放气。 查理呻吟着。他不可能被扎破。 但这是一个穿刺。轮胎上深深地插着四个拉丝销。 四个吗?这是怎么发生的？ 查理低头看了看人行道，发现至少还有20个木瓶散落在地上。 一定是有人不小心掉了一个盒子而没有捡起来，查理想，没有一丝怀疑，他真的应该怀疑，因为这是这本书的开头，而可疑的事情总是在书的开头发生的。 好吧，那真是运气不好，查理想。 没有人会故意把图钉放在我家门外的人行道上。 不管怎么说，他现在已经无能为力了。 他肯定会迟到，错过学校的旅行。 除非……除非……