Chapter 3

CHAPTER 3 'So how exactly did you behave strangely?' asked Flora, looking sideways at Charlie. Charlie was walking home with Flora, Mohsen and Wogan, and he'd told them everything that had happened the previous evening. Nearly everything. 'Yeah, come on, Charlie,' said Mohsen. 'You can tell us anything.' 'That's right,' said Wogan. 'We are all really good secret-keepers here. I mean, everybody knows I never tell anybody anything. Like, remember the time you told me you were in love with Flor–'

'Wogan!' Charlie shouted. Mohsen's jaw was on the floor. Flora was blushing furiously. 'Can we please just concentrate on what's important here?' Charlie continued, clearly panicking. Flora stopped walking, and they all stopped with her. She looked hard at Charlie. 'Charlie, whatever happened, it would be much better for you to share it. We won't judge you.' 'OK,' said Charlie, taking a deep breath. 'I ate a leaf and licked my bum clean.' For the second time in a matter of minutes, Mohsen's jaw hit the floor. 'You whatted your what-what?' Wogan asked Charlie, then turned to the others. 'What did he say he did? I thought I heard him say he licked his own bum clean! I mean, imagine! How disgusting would that be?'

'You heard right,' said Charlie, looking thoroughly miserable. 'That's what I mean. I was disgusting. And I've no idea why I did it.' 'Charlie, you have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of,' said Flora, eyes full of concern. 'We are all–' 'Did it taste horrible?' Wogan butted in. 'When you licked your bum? It must have done.' Flora glared at Wogan. 'Wogan! Now is not the time.' 'That's right,' said Mohsen. 'We need to focus. We can't do anything about what Charlie did. We should probably try to forget about it, although I'm not sure I'll ever be able to. Anyway, what we can do is start thinking about what to do about Charlie's dad and what Dylan's dad nicked off him.' They all nodded in agreement. 'You're sure you've no idea what it was?' Mohsen continued. 'No. No idea at all,' Charlie replied, downcast. 'Well, that's the first thing we need to do: find out what exactly it is they've stolen.' 'What use will that be?' asked Charlie. 'Ah, well, I have a plan,' said Mohsen, waggling his eyebrows up and down. Flora, Charlie and Wogan stopped in their tracks and stared at Mohsen. 'And it's a plan so clever you could stick a fuzzy wig on it and call it Albert Einstein.' 'Whoa. Hang on. Stop right there,' Wogan said, holding his hand up. 'We all know that Flora is the plan-maker in this group. I'm not sure I'm

comfortable swapping roles like that. I mean, what next? Maybe I should swap with Charlie and then I could go around confessing my undying love for Flor–' 'Wogan!' shouted Charlie. 'Sheesh. I mean, come on.' 'We should hear Mohsen out,' said Flora. 'I want to hear the plan.' 'OK,' said Mohsen, looking around furtively to make sure nobody else was listening. 'Listen up. Here's what we do. We find out what Dylan's dad's company stole. Then we break in to their office and steal it back.' 'OK. Interesting,' said Flora. 'How do we do that?' 'How? Well, I dunno,' said Mohsen, shrugging. 'I hadn't got that far.' 'Yeah,' said Wogan. 'That's not really a plan then. That's more of an idea than a plan.' 'It is a plan!' said Mohsen, looking a little hurt.

'Whatever it is, why does everything always end up with me breaking in to somewhere?'fn1 said Charlie. 'And Van der Gruyne Industries has serious security. It has massive high gates and guards. It has guard dogs. It has drones with laser-guided nuclear missiles.' 'Hang on,' said Flora. 'Drones with laser-guided nuclear missiles? How exactly do you know they have those?' 'Erm… I think it was actually Dylan who told me…' 'Yes, well, then I think we can probably forget the laser-guided nuclear drones, Charlie.' 'OK, thinking about it, we probably can. But high gates! Security guards! Dogs! They are all very real.' 'Hmm,' hmmed Flora. 'It won't be easy. It is a good plan, Mohsen–' 'A good idea,' said Wogan. 'It just needs a bit of development. I'll put my mind to it. But first, Charlie– you need to find out exactly

what's been stolen…' ***The opportunity to find out what exactly had been stolen came Charlie's way a few days later, and Charlie being Charlie he grabbed the opportunity with both hands and ran with it.fn2 The McGuffins had all gone into town to celebrate SmoothMove's birthday and, abandoning the new money-saving regime for the afternoon, were splashing out on a pizza-and-ice-cream family lunch. Despite the cold weather, they were sitting outside in the town square by the cathedral, happily lapping at their ice creams, watching Christmas shoppers rush by, laden with shopping bags. The Christmas lights were on, and in the middle of the square, beside the huge Christmas tree, there was a real-life nativity scene with an actual real-live