Chapter 9

CHAPTER 9 Handing the phone back to Dylan was easily the highlight of Charlie's week. Dylan's face when he saw the video had been deleted was an image Charlie would not forget in a long time: it was somewhere between bright red and purple, a beautiful mixture of disbelief and fury. Once that fun was over, though, Charlie and his friends' minds all turned back to the problem in hand: how to stop Charlie turning into an animal before the school play arrived. It wasn't until the next day that Flora devised the experiment that would test her latest theory– that stress was causing him to change. Changing into a flea during the rehearsal was more evidence, but Flora had to be certain. She needed final, absolute proof. And Flora revealed to Charlie exactly how they were going to get it while they were

all playing tennis. They had just had a long rally and stopped for a breather. 'I think I've worked it out. It came to me this morning. But you're not going to like it.' 'What a surprise,' said Charlie. 'No. You really won't,' said Mohsen. 'I'm sure I won't,' said Charlie. 'No. You REALLY, REALLY won't. You're going to hate it,' said Wogan. 'Oh, just tell me! It can't be that bad.' 'Right,' said Flora. 'Right. OK. Here goes. Here's what I want you to do. I'm about to tell you what you should do. OK. You ready?' 'Yes! Just tell me! It can't be that bad!' It was that bad. Worse, in fact. 'OK then,' Flora said. 'What you need to do is…' She took a deep breath. 'Break into Ms Fyre's office and shave her monkey.' Now, out of context that is a pretty weird sentence. So, let's answer some of your questions straight away and then we'll get right back to the story. 1. Josh, nine, from Whitstable asks: 'Does Ms Fyre really have an actual live monkey in her office?' It would be awesome if Ms Fyre

really did have an actual monkey in her office, but that would be ridiculous. This is a very serious book about a boy who can change into animals and shoot ropes out of his butt and has numerous pigeons with terrible French accents fall in love with him. So, no, of course it isn't a real monkey in her office. Silly question, Josh from Whitstable. I know you're only nine, but your parents must be very disappointed in you. Frankly we're all a little disappointed in you. 2. 'So, in that case, what is the monkey then?' asks Jennifer, eight, from Ballina, County Mayo in Ireland. Excellent question, Jennifer. You're clearly a smart cookie. Well, let me tell you what the monkey is. It's a huge stuffed cuddly toy monkey. It's as big as you, Jennifer. It's that big. 3. 'Where did this monkey come from?' asks Josh, nine, from Whitstable. OK, Josh.

That's a much better question. You've taken the criticism on board. You've pulled your socks up. I'm impressed with your attitude, Josh. Great work. 4. 'You didn't answer my question,' says Josh, nine, from Whitstable. Good point, Josh. The answer to the question is nobody really knows. Some say Mr Wind was seen walking away from the 'hook-a-duck' stall at the local fair, carrying the monkey under his arm, in the very same week it appeared in Ms Fyre's office, but that's just a rumour. 5. 'How on earth is Charlie supposed to break into Ms Fyre's office and shave the monkey? And what will he use to actually shave the monkey?' ask Mr (forty-eight) and Mrs (forty-six) Lloyd from Wimbledon. Well, Mr and Mrs Lloyd from Wimbledon, you will just have to wait and find out. That's the plot. All will be revealed shortly. Just be patient.

6. 'Isn't breaking into an office and shaving somebody's toy monkey illegal?' asks Josh, nine, from Whitstable. Look, Josh. You've already asked two questions, OK? And you've just undone all the good work you did with your second question. Don't take this story too seriously. This is a ridiculous book about a boy who can change into animals and shoot ropes out of his butt and has numerous pigeons with terrible French accents fall in love with him. So let's just forget any legal implications, yes? Agreed, Josh? Good. OK. Let's get back to the story. No more interruptions, please. 'Let me get this right. You want me to break into Ms Fyre's office and shave her monkey?' asked Charlie incredulously. Flora nodded. 'That's right.' 'I think we need to get a doctor to see you. You've finally lost it. Properly this time.' 'I have not. It's the only way to know for certain.'

'It's the only way to get me in detention until I'm eighteen AND hung upside down by my toes by my parents until I leave home.' 'Charlie, listen. We need to know for absolute certain what causes you to change before we can work out how to stop it. And we've only got six days until the school play.' 'Well, you can't argue with that,' said Wogan. 'I can. And I am.' Charlie crossed his arms. 'Well, OK, you can. But she's right.' The four of them stood in silence for a moment. Wogan started boinging a ball in the air with his racquet. 'Come on, Charlie. It'll be something you'll never forget as long as you live,' Flora said. Charlie stared at Flora for the longest time, then exploded. 'GAAAAAAH OK I'LL DO IT I'LL DO IT GAAAAAHHH!' Flora beamed.