Chapter 4

CHAPTER 4 All had been quiet for a week or so. Charlie hadn't changed into any animals. School was still school. His parents were still parenting. SmoothMove was still in hospital waiting for his scan. Wogan and Mohsen were still slightly scared of Flora. But on a slow Wednesday afternoon, during a times table test, it happened again. 'Hey, Charlie!' This was Dylan. Dylan van der Gruyne was the class bully, and he hated Charlie more than anybody else in the school. 'Hey, Charlie!' Dylan whispered again loudly 'What?' Charlie whispered back, knowing what was coming because he was talking to Dylan and Dylan never said anything nice to anybody. 'You smell like a frog's bum!'

Dylan sniggered to himself. 'No, I don't. Anyway, what does a frog's bum smell like? It might smell nice for all you know.' Even as Charlie was saying that he realized it probably wasn't the smartest comeback. 'Hey, Teddy!' Dylan hissed at the boy next to him. Teddy was Dylan's best friend and he had a large house, and his mum drove a big Range Rover but Teddy wasn't ever allowed to call her Mum– Teddy had to call her by her name, Lou-Lou. 'Charlie thinks frog bums smell nice. Charlie sniffs frog bums!' Teddy burst out laughing. 'WHATISTHEMEANINGOFTHISYOUARE DOINGATESTANDIASKEDFORSILENCE.'

That was the teacher, Mr Wind. Arthur Wind was really old– forty-something– and he had grey hair and was pretty nice most of the time, apart from: a) Whenever his football team, Birmingham United, lost. b) Whenever Ms Fyre, the head teacher, was off sick. c) Whenever people laughed during a test while he was on his phone sending text messages (possibly text messages to Ms Fyre, but we can't be certain about that). They were doing a test and Mr Wind was on his phone. 'YOUKNOWI ASKEDFORSILENCEBUTICAN HEARGIGGLINGWHATONEARTHISGOING ON?' Whenever Mr Wind was angry he spoke very fast and without punctuation. What he actually said was:

'You know I asked for silence, but I can hear giggling. What on earth is going on?' None of the children said anything in reply. 'The next peep I hear out of anyone will have them sent quick-sharp to Ms Fyre to explain themselves.' Ms Fyre was tall, well-dressed and huge-haired. When she smiled, which she only ever did just before she was about to explode with fury, her curled lips revealed vast pale gums and intimidating slabs of teeth. They were teeth designed for pulling chunks of meat off thigh bones. Her office was always warm and stuffy, which made sweat prickle down children's backs as they stood anxiously waiting for her to speak. The oppressive heat was also perfect for the many orchid plants that were dotted around her office. The orchids were Ms Fyre's babies, and she seemed to care an awful lot more for them than she did for the children in her school. The heat and the orchids gave the office something of a jungle feel: steamy, unpleasant and somewhere you'd be lucky to get out of alive.

A moment later, something hit Charlie on the back of the head. Whatever it was, another one came, pranged off his ear and landed on the floor. It was a paper missile. Another one hit his neck. Dylan was pinging paper missiles at him using a rubber band as a catapult. Charlie swung round.

'Cut it out, Dylan!' he whispered. Dylan grinned at him. A grin that said: 'I'm really not going to cut it out, but thanks for the feedback.' Charlie turned back to his test again. A few seconds later, another missile hit. 'Just cut it out!' Charlie whispered, but just that little bit too loudly. 'RIGHTWHOWASTHAT,' shouted Mr Wind. Quick as a flash came the reply from Dylan: 'It was Charlie, sir. He's trying to distract me.' 'RIGHT, CHARLIE MCGUFFIN, I WARNED YOU. YOU KNOW THE WAY TO MS FYRE'S OFFICE.' Charlie tried protesting. 'But, sir–' 'Now, McGuffin!' Mr Wind pointed to the door. Charlie really tried, but he couldn't help the prickling in his eyes turning to tears as he walked to the door. He risked a glance at Flora, who gave him a sympathetic smile, and that was it– the tears started flowing. As he shut the door behind him he could feel Dylan's smug smile burning into him. Charlie's head hung low as he trudged down the corridor. Being sent to Ms Fyre meant a letter home to his parents.