Chapter 2

CHAPTER 2 Now just snap out of it, Spider-Charlie, Charlie thought after a few minutes of spider-panicking. There's no point in panicking. Things are going to get better, because they can't get any worse than they are right now. Charlie had never been more wrong about anything in his life. Things were about to get a whole lot worse. Any minute now, it will all be absolutely fine. Everything will be back to normal, Charlie thought to himself wrongishly. You see, Charlie is what's known as an 'optimist'. That means he looks on the bright side of things, and always expects the best out of life. This is, ordinarily, the best way to be.

第二章快振作起来吧，蜘蛛查理，查理惊慌了几分钟后想。 恐慌是没有意义的。 事情会变得更好的，因为不可能比现在更糟了。 查理一生中从来没有这么错过。 事情就要变得更糟了。 现在任何时候，一切都会好起来的。 一切都会恢复正常的，查理错误地想。 你看，查理就是所谓的“乐观主义者”。 这意味着他总是看到事物光明的一面，总是期待生活中最美好的一面。 通常，这是最好的方式。

But perhaps being an optimist is not the best way to be when you have just changed into a spider. Then it's perhaps best if you become something of a 'pessimist'. A pessimist is the opposite of an optimist. Pessimists always expect the worst to happen such as: 1. My football team will lose four–nil and I will score four own goals. 2. I will absolutly fail my speling test on Friday. 3. After suddenly turning into a spider, things will not suddenly become better but, in fact, they will become much worse because the family cat, a big ginger tom called Chairman Meow, will come into the bedroom and try to eat me. But Charlie was not a pessimist. He was an optimist. He was slowly calming down and panicking less because he was thinking positive thoughts. This was a very bad idea, because edging through the bedroom doorway was a fat, furry ginger cat called Chairman Meow. And Chairman Meow liked to eat spiders. And Charlie was a spider. You see where this is going? Finally so could Charlie. He froze in terror. Chairman Meow's eyes glinted in the dark.

但当你刚刚变成一只蜘蛛时，做一个乐观主义者可能不是最好的方式。 那么你最好变成一个“悲观主义者”。 悲观主义者是乐观主义者的反面。 悲观主义者总是期待最坏的事情发生，比如： 我的足球队将输4比0，我将进4个乌龙球。 2. 我星期五的拼写考试肯定不及格。 3. 突然变成蜘蛛后，事情不会突然变好，但事实上，他们会变得更糟，因为家里的猫，一个大姜黄色的汤姆叫主席喵，会进入卧室，试图吃掉我。 但查理并不是一个悲观主义者。 他是个乐观主义者。他慢慢地平静下来，恐慌减少了，因为他在想积极的事情。 这是一个非常糟糕的主意，因为从卧室门口走来一只毛茸茸的姜黄色胖猫，名叫“喵主席”。 而且喵主席喜欢吃蜘蛛。 查理是一只蜘蛛。你知道这是怎么回事吗？ 最后查理也可以了。他吓得僵住了。 猫主席的眼睛在黑暗中闪闪发光。

Charlie spider-gulped. Chairman Meow lay flat, haunches in the air, ears pricked. Charlie accidentally let out an eensy-weensy, teeny-weeny little terrified spider-fart.fn1 Parp-pfft! Chairman Meow wiggled his furry bum, getting ready to pounce. Time seemed to stretch like a rubber band. Then it snapped. Charlie sprang into action. He skittered under his bed as fast as his eight legs could carry him. Chairman Meow leaped after him. Charlie ran as far and as fast as he could. Chairman Meow couldn't quite reach Charlie, but began to swipe at him with his fat ginger paws. Charlie ducked and ran and jumped past the jabbing claws. He reached the corner of his room, under his bed, cowering among old lollipop sticks and dusty Match Attax cards, a rotten apple core and a dead snail that he'd kept as a pet until it had escaped and at least now he knew where it had ended up.

查理spider-gulped。喵主席平躺着，屁股翘在空中，耳朵竖起来。 查理不小心放了一个很小很小的蜘蛛屁。fn1 Parp-pfft !喵主席扭动着他毛茸茸的屁股，准备猛扑过去。 时间似乎像橡皮筋一样伸展着。 然后它断了。查理立刻行动起来。 他以八条腿最快的速度在床底下窜来窜去。 喵主席也跟着跳了起来。 查理尽可能地跑得远、跑得快。 喵主席够不到查理，就开始用他那肥嘟嘟的姜黄色爪子朝他猛击。 查理躲了起来，跑了起来，跳过了那些锋利的爪子。 他走到房间的角落，躺在床底下，蜷缩在破旧的棒棒糖棒、满是灰尘的火柴牌、一个腐烂的苹果核和一只死蜗牛中间。这只蜗牛是他养的宠物，后来它逃走了，至少现在他知道它跑到哪里去了。

The swinging, swiping claws were getting nearer. Charlie had to think and think fast.

摆动着的爪子越来越近了。 查理必须思考，而且要快速思考。

And then he realized– he would have to spider his way out of the situation. He put one spindly foot against the wall. And then another. And another. And another. And ano– Well, you get the idea. He placed all eight of his feet on the wall. And then he began walking. Up the wall. Now this probably feels pretty normal to spiders, but Charlie did not feel it was in the least bit normal. Quite the opposite. In fact, as he climbed up the wall, Charlie would have been screaming at the top of his lungs, if spiders could scream (which as we already know they can't). Spiders might not be able to scream, but they are able to see backwards, and this suddenly became a very useful, actual life-saving ability. Because Charlie saw behind him that Chairman Meow had spotted him. He could feel the cat thudding across the floor towards him through the vibrations in his spider-feet. Charlie ran faster. Chairman Meow pounced high, stretching to get Charlie.

然后他意识到，他必须设法摆脱困境。 他把一只细长的脚靠在墙上。 然后是另一个。和另一个。 和另一个。不，你懂的。 他把八只脚都放在墙上。 然后他开始走路。 在墙上。这对蜘蛛来说可能很正常，但查理一点也不觉得正常。 恰恰相反。事实上，当查理爬上墙的时候，他会扯着嗓子尖叫，如果蜘蛛会尖叫的话（我们已经知道它们不会）。 蜘蛛可能不会尖叫，但它们能向后看，这突然变成了一种非常有用的、实际的救生能力。 因为查理看到他身后的猫主席发现了他。 通过蜘蛛脚的震动，他能感觉到猫在地板上扑通一声朝他走来。 查理跑得更快了。喵主席跳得很高，伸直身子去抓查理。

He just missed. Charlie ran as fast as he could up to the top of the wall and on to the ceiling just above the wardrobe. He stood spider-still, upside down, utterly terrified, as Meow prowled menacingly below him. Now this is as bad as it gets, thought Charlie. It can't get any worse. It definitely has to get better from here. Charlie had still not learned his optimism/pessimism lesson. In two swift, lithe leaps, Chairman Meow sprang first on to the bed, and then on to the top of the wardrobe. Without warning, Charlie was trapped upside down in the top corner of his bedroom, looking down at his pet cat, who was now inches away from eating him. At no point had Charlie ever imagined that this would be how he would die: turned into a spider and then munched by a furry ginger cat. Life's funny like that. This was it. The end. Game over. And there would be no starting the level again. The cat pounced, jaws wide.

他没打中。查理以最快的速度跑到墙头，爬上衣柜上方的天花板。 他像蜘蛛一样倒立着，完全被吓坏了，喵在他下面威胁地徘徊。 查理想，这是最糟糕的了。 不能再糟了。从现在开始，它肯定会变得更好。 查理仍然没有吸取乐观/悲观的教训。 喵主席轻快地跳了两下，先是跳到床上，然后跳到衣柜顶上。 毫无征兆地，查理被困在卧室最上面的角落里，头朝下看着他的宠物猫，那只猫离他只有几英寸远了。 查理从来没有想过自己会这样死去：变成一只蜘蛛，然后被一只毛茸茸的姜黄色猫啃食。 生活就是这样有趣。就是这样。 最后。游戏结束。并且不需要重新开始关卡。 那只猫张着嘴猛扑过来。