The End

THE END So, there you go. That's it. The end. The finish line. I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. A lot more actually, because to be honest, writing it was a pretty dreadful experience. My fingers still have blisters. So. Questions? Q: Charlie, nine years old, asks: 'My name is Charlie and I am also nine years old. Is this book about me?' A: Do you turn into animals, Charlie? No? Exactly. Well, the book isn't about you then. Obviously. Q: Josh, nine, from Whitstable asks: 'If this book was so miserable to write, why did you bother doing it? And it's not even a particularly long book. It's only just over 27,500 words. That's not long for a book.

好了，就是这样。就是这样。 最后。终点线。我希望你喜欢读它，就像我喜欢写它一样。 实际上更多，因为说实话，写这本书是一段非常可怕的经历。 我的手指还有水泡。 所以。问题吗?问：九岁的查理问：“我叫查理，我也九岁了。” 这本书是关于我的吗？”A：你会变成动物吗，查理？ 没有?完全正确。那这本书就不是关于你了。 很明显。问：来自惠特斯泰布尔的9岁男孩乔希问：“如果这本书写起来这么痛苦，你为什么还要写呢？” 它甚至不是一本特别长的书。 它只有27500多字。 这对一本书来说并不长。

The Harry Potter series is over a million words. That's over thirty-five times as long as your book.' A: Oh, marvellous, it's Josh from Whitstable again. Didn't you ask enough questions last time? Well, to answer your question, yes, the Harry Potter series is forty times longer than this book, but you know what? It's not the quantity of words that matters. It's the quality. And I like to think that one word in this book is equal to about forty words from J. K. Rowling waffling on about Professor Bumblebore and Severus Snooze, right? RIGHT? Q: Bethany, aged two, from A Couple of Houses Down the Road asks: 'Why did you have to make Dylan so mean?' A: Let me tell you something, Bethany: I didn't make Dylan mean. Life made him mean. Dylan has had a tough time and, deep down, he's really unhappy. And most angry or unpleasant people are almost always, deep down, very unhappy. Q: Emily, ten, from Frimpton-on-Sea asks: 'Is there a deeper meaning to this book? Exactly what important message are you trying to give the reader? Because if you don't have a deeper meaning, then is this just a silly story about a boy who turns into animals?'

《哈利波特》系列超过一百万字。 那是你的书的35倍多。”A：哦，太好了，又是惠特斯塔布尔的乔希。 上次你问的问题还不够多吗？ 好吧，回答你的问题，是的，哈利波特系列比这本书长40倍，但你知道吗？ 单词的数量并不重要。 是质量的问题。我喜欢认为这本书中的一个单词相当于J中的大约40个单词。 罗琳在大黄蜂教授和西弗勒斯？ 对吧?问：两岁的Bethany来自《the Couple of Houses Down the Road》，她问：“你为什么要把Dylan说得这么刻薄？”A：让我告诉你，贝瑟尼：我并不是故意要迪伦。 生活使他变得卑鄙。迪伦经历了一段艰难的时光，内心深处，他真的很不开心。 而大多数愤怒或不愉快的人在内心深处几乎总是非常不快乐。 问：来自海边弗林普顿的10岁女孩艾米丽问：“这本书有更深的含义吗？” 你到底想向读者传达什么重要信息？ 因为如果你没有更深的含义，那么这只是一个关于一个男孩变成动物的愚蠢故事吗？”

A: Thank you for the question, Emily. Q: Emily, ten, from Frimpton-on-Sea asks: 'Are you trying to avoid the question? You DO have a deep and important message behind the book, don't you?' A: Of course I'm not avoiding the question. And of COURSE I have a deep message in the book. And the message is… the message is… Ooh! Look! Behind you! There's a big flying thing! Oh, you just missed it. It's gone now. Never mind. Anyway, what were we talking about? Next question, please. Q: Nathaniella Warglefloom, sixty-seven, from Banjax-on-Thames asks: 'I noticed that a previous questioner, "Bethany", was only two years old. That can't be right. Are you just making all these people up? Are the questions even real?' A: What is real, Nathaniella? Are you real? Am I real? Does it actually matter what's real and what isn't? Q: Charlie, nine years old, asks: 'You actually didn't let me answer your question. You just answered for me. In answer to your question, yes, actually, I do turn into animals. And my surname is McGuffin. And my best friends are Wogan, Mohsen and Flora.

A：谢谢你的问题，艾米丽。 问：来自海边弗林普顿的10岁女孩艾米丽问：“你是想回避这个问题吗？” 你在这本书背后确实有一个深刻而重要的信息，不是吗？”A：我当然不是在回避这个问题。 当然，我在书中有一个深刻的信息。 留言是…留言是…哦！看！在你后面!有个会飞的大东西！哦，你错过了。 它现在不见了。不要紧。 不管怎样，我们刚才在说什么？ 下一个问题。问：67岁的Nathaniella wargle弗洛姆来自泰晤士河畔班贾克斯，她问道：“我注意到之前的提问者‘Bethany’只有两岁。 这不可能是对的。这些人都是你编出来的吗？ 这些问题是真的吗？”A：什么是真实的，纳撒尼尔？ 你是真的吗？我是真的吗？什么是真的，什么不是真的重要吗？ 问：九岁的查理问：“你实际上没有让我回答你的问题。 你刚刚替我回答了。回答你的问题，是的，实际上，我确实变成了动物。 我姓麦高芬。 我最好的朋友是沃根，莫森和弗洛拉。

This book is clearly based on my life. And I did not give you permission to turn my life story into a poorly written book. I have sought legal advice and I will see you in court.' A: This is a question-and-answer session, Charlie. You just gave a series of statements there and no question. And I have ALSO sought legal advice. Unfortunately they have told me to stop writing immediately. There would have been loads more in this book, loads of stuff that would have been way better. But I am now not allowed to write any more. Big shame. You've spoiled everybody's fun, Charlie McGuffin. I hope you're happy.

这本书显然是以我的生活为基础的。 我也没允许你把我的人生故事写成一本烂书。 我已寻求法律建议，我们将在法庭上见。”A：查理，这是问答环节。 你刚刚给出了一系列陈述，毫无疑问。 我也寻求了法律建议。 不幸的是，他们让我立即停止写作。 这本书里会有更多的内容，会有很多更好的东西。 但是我现在不能再写了。 大的耻辱。你毁了大家的兴致，查理·麦高芬。 我希望你开心。