Chapter 12

CHAPTER 12 'I knew it! I knew it! This is brilliant! This is the best news EVER!' It would be fair to say that Flora was quite pleased when she found out her theory about Charlie changing had been proved correct. 'Well, that's all very well, but it doesn't exactly help me,' replied Charlie, glum-faced. 'Of course it helps you! Of course it does!' Flora gripped Charlie's arms, a manic look in her eyes. 'Doesn't it, Mohsen?' 'Yes!' Mohsen answered, a look of mild terror in his eyes. 'Doesn't it, Wogan?' she asked. 'Yes!' Wogan answered, a look of confusion in his eyes. 'It's obvious, Charlie! Now we know what's causing you to change, we can work out a way of

preventing it! Oh, this is just the breakthrough we needed.' Flora thumped her palm in triumph. That's all well and good, Charlie thought, but what's actually going to stop me changing? Charlie thought for a little longer, and decided his last thought was actually a pretty good one and should probably be spoken aloud. 'That's all well and good, but what's actually going to stop me changing?' 'That's a very sensible and well-thought-out question,' said Flora. 'And I have a plan.' She waggled her eyebrows up and down. 'Does this plan involve putting me in a large amount of danger by any chance? You know, maybe sending me flying down a hill at a million miles an hour? Or shaving the head teacher's most prized possession? Or firing me into space?' 'No. It does not. And if you don't want to hear it, I shan't tell you,' said Flora, crossing her arms. 'I do!' protested Charlie. 'I was only joking. Please. Tell me, Flora. What's your plan?' 'OK, well, the plan is simple. Next time you feel it happening, breathe.' 'Breathe?' asked Charlie.

'Yes,' replied Flora. 'Breathe.' 'Breathe. Brilliant.' When Charlie said 'brilliant' it really didn't sound like he meant 'brilliant'. It sounded more like 'That is the single worst plan I have heard since Wogan decided not to pack any spare underwear when we went camping to save space in his rucksack for his pet goldfish. And the goldfish bowl.' 'What a marvellous plan,' continued Charlie, 'because my plan was actually not to breathe. And then I might die and not have to listen to ONE OF YOUR AWFUL PLANS EVER AGAIN.'

'Charlie, what have we discovered causes you to change into an animal?' Flora asked the question like Charlie was five years old. 'Stress,' answered Charlie. 'And what helps with stress? Think back to our meditation lessons with the mindfulness and yoga teacher. You remember the song she sang?' '"I'm Too Sexy For My Shirt"?' suggested Wogan. 'No, Wogan. That wasn't it.' 'Oh. I don't know then,' Wogan said with a furrowed brow. 'It's so difficult!'

'Come on! You all know! The "Breath is Life" song!' Mohsen, Charlie and Wogan looked at her blankly. 'Did none of you listen to her at all?' Again they looked blankly at Flora. Flora closed her eyes and began singing: 'Breathe in life! Breathe in joy! A deep breath is more blessed Than a PlayStation toy! Deep breath in! Deep breath out! Big breath out from your mouth Suck it in up your snout!' The song was met with a stony silence from the boys. 'That really doesn't ring ANY bells with you?' The boys shrugged. 'I don't know why Miss Rainbow Gaia-Earthchild bothered, I really don't. You don't remember any of it? The body relaxing? The visualization techniques? Nothing?' Mohsen, Wogan and Charlie looked blankly back at Flora. 'Honestly. Some people. Anyway, the point is deep breathing and imagining beautiful places and stuff

relaxes you. Relaxing will stop you stressing. And hopefully– hopefully– that will stop you changing.' Charlie had to admit it actually wasn't the worst plan he had ever heard. And right now, as it was their only plan, it was definitely their best plan. And it was just a day later– just four days before the school play– that Flora's 'Miss Rainbow Gaia- Earthchild Relaxation Plan' was put to the test. It was a hot sunny day, the sort of day when you couldn't walk barefoot outside because the pavement burned the soles of your feet, and Charlie was visiting his brother in hospital. It was now three days away from his brother's big scan. Charlie, sweat prickling underneath the collar of his shirt, was sitting on the edge of SmoothMove's bed waiting for him to reply. SmoothMove was looking very serious, staring at the ceiling, hat on his bald head. After the longest time SmoothMove finally spoke. 'You promise you're totally telling the truth. Cross your heart?' 'Promise. Cross my heart,' Charlie replied. 'But that's unbelievable. Like properly amazing. I don't know what to say.'