2 The News

2. THE NEWS "Good morning, this is Dull TV. Reports are coming in that the Dull-on-Sea Museum has been ransacked by pirates."

"Police say that the museum's camera failed to catch sight of the intruders, and no fingerprints or other evidence has been found. At this stage they only have the mumbled account of crossword champion and museum security guard Arthur Poppycock to go on. "We now go live to the news conference at Dull-on-Sea police station, where Chief Inspector Klewless will be sharing the latest developments."

WE'RE BAFFLED.

"And now to our roving reporter in Dull-on-Sea." I was just walking home when I saw 'em. Hundreds of 'em, there were. Waving their cutlasses and singing and cursing and all excited. Carrying a load of treasure, they were. My wife didn't believe me. Said I was making things up, she did. Told me to sleep in the spare room and not to mess up the clean laundry, 'cause it was all neatly folded.

I'd been ironing all day. And now I'll have to wash the sheets. They smell like stale beer and fries, and we've got guests coming Tuesday. Pirates, he said. Have you ever heard anything like it? Pirates in this day and age? "So, that's eyewitness Mervyn Wobley and his wife, Sheila, residents of Sea View Terrace. Now back to the studio."

Matilda munched on her Pirate Pops and listened to the radio intently. "The robbery at the Dull-on-Sea Museum comes one month after the archaeological dig at Parrot Point was mysteriously ransacked in the night. Many of the treasures from the Parrot Point shipwreck had already been taken to the Dull-on-Sea Museum for safekeeping, but these were stolen in last night's raid. Police are yet to confirm that the two crimes are linked."