13 A Second Chance to Join the War

CHAPTER 13 A Second Chance to Join the War All of a sudden Henry became aware that the roar of the battle was growing louder. Great brown clouds floated past him, and the noise was getting closer. As he reached the top of a hill, he saw that the road was now crowded with wagons, teams, and men. Fear was moving everyone along. Henry felt comforted by this sight. They were all fleeing. Perhaps, then, he wasn't so bad after all. He sat by the road and watched everyone pass. They ran like young, uncomfortable animals, and he found some

pleasure in watching this wild march. Soon a group of infantry soldiers appeared in the road. They came on swiftly and moved around everything that was in the way. These soldiers were going forward into the heart of the battle. They were ready to face the eager rush of the enemy. Their faces were serious, and Henry could tell that they felt important. As Henry looked at them, the weight of his sadness returned to him. He felt as if he was watching a line of soldiers who had been specially chosen to be heroes. He could never be like them. He could have cried right then. Henry wished he could be a hero, and for a moment he was about to get up and join them on their way to the fight. Then the difficulties of his situation began to drag at him and he hesitated. He had no rifle, but there were a lot of those around. He could always pick one up. Also, he thought, it would be hard to find his

own troop again. But then again, he could fight with any troop. He started forward slowly, struggling with his doubts. Eventually Henry's objections beat out his courage. In the end, he wasn't very upset about his decision. As he thought about it, he decided that the problems were pretty big. And now, on top of everything else, new problems began to bother him. He had a horrible thirst. His face was so dry that he thought the skin would crack. Each bone in his body had an ache in it, and his feet were sore. His stomach hurt from hunger, and he was having trouble seeing clearly. Henry realized he would never become a hero. He groaned from sadness and went wandering away. He stayed close to the battle. He had a great desire to see the fighting and get news. He wanted to know who was winning. It occurred to Henry that if his army lost, it

might mean good things for him. Many brave men, he thought, would have to run if the army was beaten by the enemy. He would just look like another one of those men. No one would know that he had run earlier. If they lost, it would be a kind of proof that he had done the right thing by running. It would show that he had been able to see what would happen, as if he could see the future. That kind of proof was very important to Henry. He couldn't accept the idea that he had done something shameful. But if his army was to win, Henry would be in trouble. He knew it was awful to think these things, and he called himself a villain just for thinking about them. Then another thought came to him. True, a defeat of his army was a way for him to escape from what he had done, but he decided that it was useless to think of such a possibility. He knew his army could never be

beaten. Henry tried to think of a good story to tell the men in his troop. He thought up many ideas, but threw each one away as too weak and unbelievable. He imagined the whole troop making fun of him for running from the fight. "Where's Henry Fleming?" they would ask. "He ran, didn't he? Oh, my!" Henry imagined that he would see people staring at him with hatred wherever he went in camp. Everyone would laugh meanly at him and he would become a joke.