22 The Uncontrollable Mr. Hyde

CHAPTER 22 The Uncontrollable Mr. Hyde "Two months before the murder of Sir Danvers, I returned from one of Hyde's adventures. I switched back to Jekyll and went to bed. I woke up with a very odd feeling. I recognized the room around me as my own, but something was wrong. I felt as though I was not in the right place. I lay on my bed wondering about this situation. I was

convinced that there must be some logical and scientific answer to my discomfort. I was deep in thought when I noticed my hand. It was not the hand of Dr. Henry Jekyll. It was thin with sharp, large knuckles. It was the hand of Mr. Edward Hyde. "I must have stared at that hand for nearly a minute. I was so caught up in the wonder of it all. When it finally all came together for me, I jumped out of bed and ran to the mirror. I could not believe my eyes. Yes, I had gone to bed as Henry Jekyll and woken up as Edward Hyde. How could this have happened? The next, perhaps more immediately important question, was how could this be remedied? It was mid-morning. All the servants were up and the medicine was in the laboratory. There was no way I could walk across the courtyard to get it. I would be able to cover my face, but that would not disguise me enough. Thankfully, I

took a breath and realized that my servants were already used to Hyde's coming and going. I dressed quickly and left the room. I passed Bradshaw, the footman, who was taken aback by the presence of Hyde so early in the day. My loose-fitting clothes must also have caught his eye. Mr. Hyde disappeared across the courtyard. Ten minutes later, Dr. Jekyll was sitting down to breakfast, pretending to be interested in food. "I knew that I would not be able to continue with my double life. I was losing control over it. Hyde was too developed now. I suspected that he had actually grown in strength. I had changed from Jekyll to Hyde without taking the medicine. My mind —or my body, I don't know which— switched on its own. The medicine was already losing its power. I had to drink three times as much medicine to switch back and forth. When I started this experiment, it was

difficult to leave the Dr. Jekyll side behind. Now it was quite the opposite. The events of that morning confirmed that it was now more difficult to lose Mr. Hyde. It was clear that I was losing hold on my original and better self. My evil, criminal side was becoming too strong. "I knew that I must choose between the two. Jekyll was worried and curious about Hyde's actions and well-being. Hyde was completely indifferent to Jekyll. Losing Hyde meant losing certain evils that I had grown to enjoy. But leaving Jekyll behind meant that I would be friendless and hated by all. I knew I could not live with that outcome. "So I left Hyde behind. I still kept the apartment in Soho and Hyde's clothes hung in the closet of my laboratory, but I did not use the medicine. For two months I led a quiet and careful life. And I was happy with this life for a while. My conscience was clear.

But the desires and instincts were not gone, only resting. I once again found myself mixing, then drinking, the potion. "My devil had been long caged. Hyde arrived with a roar and a fury that I had not expected. Even while I was drinking the potion I knew this time would be different. I knew that Hyde wanted to make up for lost time. And it was in this state that Hyde came upon Sir Danvers in the laneway. My memory of the event is weak. Hyde was in a blind rage. It all happened so quickly. "I am to blame for all of this, because it was Hyde who performed the awful deed, but please believe this is not something Jekyll could have even considered. I knew that my life was over at that moment, too. Hyde, or I, fled from the scene. I ran to the apartment in Soho. I burned all my papers to destroy any evidence. Then I started to roam the streets of London. Hyde contemplated other

murders he would like to perform. Now that he had the taste of one, I feared he would not stop. "As soon as I became Jekyll again, I fell to my knees and begged God for mercy. I knew that there could be no more Hyde. Making this final decision felt like freedom. I hadn't even realized how much it felt like a prison. To make sure that I wouldn't be tempted and Hyde would not be able to walk through the back door, I broke the lock. Then I crushed the gate key underfoot. "I learned the next day that my own maid was a witness to the murder. I was horrified to hear Hyde named as the killer. I hadn't even realized it was Sir Danvers that I met in the alley. Hyde's fury was so strong that my Jekyll side was completely overwhelmed. My evil side—Mr. Hyde—had complete control of my body and mind. "I resolved to live the life of a reformed