Chapter 2

Sunday I was still in bed the next morning when Dev came round to get me. He woke me up by pulling off the duvet and shouting, 'Get up, you're late for school!' I almost had a heart attack. Then I realised it was Dev being a pillock... and it was Sunday. 'Come on, let's get chocolate!' he said. We never made it to the shops yesterday so

星期天，第二天早上戴夫来叫我时，我还躺在床上。 他把我的羽绒被扯下来，喊道：“起来，你上学要迟到了！”我差点心脏病发作。 然后我意识到戴夫是个傻瓜…… 那天是星期天。“来吧，我们去买巧克力！”他说。 我们昨天没去商店，所以

snacks were overdue. 'Doughnut,' I grumbled, pulling the duvet back on. 'Yeah, those too!' he replied. The thought of doughnuts eventually got me out of bed. I must have burned the equivalent of twenty-five just folding my pants yesterday. I got dressed and we headed off to the shop to replenish the calories.

零食过期了。“甜甜圈，”我抱怨道，把羽绒被盖上。 “是啊，那些也是！”他回答。 想到甜甜圈，我终于从床上爬了起来。 我昨天叠裤子就烧掉了相当于25块的糖。 我穿好衣服，我们一起去商店补充卡路里。

Afterwards we went back to Dev's house where he has his own bedroom and no annoying little brother. He has a five-year-old sister called Heena, but she has her own bedroom and is only mildly irritating. He has a mongrel called Graham too who is just as nuts as FUZZFACE. Unlike me, Dev has many talents. One of them is turning his eyelids inside out, which is totally VOMIT INDUCING. The others are singing and dancing. He has two certificates hanging on his bedroom wall. One for Grade One singing and the other for tap dancing. 'I wish I was talented,' I said, having a closer look at his certificates. 'I had to clean our trophy cabinet yesterday. None of them were mine. I'm the untalented one of the family.'

后来我们回到了戴夫的家，他有自己的卧室，没有讨厌的弟弟。 他有一个5岁的妹妹叫Heena，但她有自己的卧室，只是有点烦人。 他也有一只杂种狗叫格雷厄姆，就像FUZZFACE一样疯狂。 不像我，戴夫有很多才能。 其中一个是把他的眼皮翻过来，这完全是呕吐诱导。 其他人在唱歌和跳舞。 他卧室的墙上挂着两张证书。 一个用于一年级唱歌，另一个用于踢踏舞。 “我希望我有天赋，”我说，仔细看了看他的证书。 “昨天我不得不打扫我们的奖杯柜。 没有一个是我的。我是家里最没有才能的一个。”

'Don't be daft,' said Dev. 'Everyone has a talent. I bet I can find out what yours is.' Well good luck to him, HA! I thought it would take him AGES but within seconds he had a brainwave. He chucked a bag of marshmallows at me and said, 'I know, let's see how many of these you can cram into your mouth at once!' 'I know, why don't you come back to me when you've thought of something less idiotic?' I answered. Dev tapped his phone and showed me the screen. 'Look, the world record is fifty-one by a great-granny in Flemingsville, Kentucky, USA. You could beat that easy with your massive gob!'

“别傻了，”戴夫说。 “每个人都有天赋。我打赌我能找到你的答案。”祝他好运，哈！我以为他会花很长时间，但几秒钟后他就灵光一闪了。 他把一袋棉花糖扔给我，说：“我知道了，让我们看看你一次能塞进多少个棉花糖！”“我知道了，你想个不那么愚蠢的办法，为什么不回来找我呢？ ”我回答。 戴夫敲了敲他的手机，给我看了屏幕。 “看，世界纪录是51分，是美国肯塔基州弗莱明斯维尔的一位曾祖母创造的。 你的大嘴可以轻易打败他！”

I wasn't sure if that was a compliment or not. Dev scrolled through his phone again, looking puzzled. 'But it doesn't say whether she had her teeth in.' UGH. I wasn't about to humiliate myself by trying to beat some toothless nonagenarian who lives in a place where they don't have anything better to do– plus what a waste of

我不确定这算不算恭维。 戴夫又翻了翻手机，一脸困惑。 “但上面没说她是否有牙齿。”啊。 我可不想为了羞辱自己而去打败那些住在一个没有更好的事情可做的地方的没有牙齿的九十多岁的老人——而且真是浪费

marshmallows! I racked my brain and remembered the plastic trophy that I'd found under the bed. 'I've got a better idea,' I said. Dev didn't answer. He was too busy squashing a handful of marshmallows into his gob in an attempt to break the world record himself.

棉花糖!我绞尽脑汁，想起了我在床底下找到的那个塑料奖杯。 “我有个更好的主意，”我说。 戴夫没有回答。他正忙着往嘴里塞一把棉花糖，试图自己打破世界纪录。