Chapter 2

Sunday I was still in bed the next morning when Dev came round to get me. He woke me up by pulling off the duvet and shouting, 'Get up, you're late for school!' I almost had a heart attack. Then I realised it was Dev being a pillock... and it was Sunday. 'Come on, let's get chocolate!' he said. We never made it to the shops yesterday so

snacks were overdue. 'Doughnut,' I grumbled, pulling the duvet back on. 'Yeah, those too!' he replied. The thought of doughnuts eventually got me out of bed. I must have burned the equivalent of twenty-five just folding my pants yesterday. I got dressed and we headed off to the shop to replenish the calories.

Afterwards we went back to Dev's house where he has his own bedroom and no annoying little brother. He has a five-year-old sister called Heena, but she has her own bedroom and is only mildly irritating. He has a mongrel called Graham too who is just as nuts as FUZZFACE. Unlike me, Dev has many talents. One of them is turning his eyelids inside out, which is totally VOMIT INDUCING. The others are singing and dancing. He has two certificates hanging on his bedroom wall. One for Grade One singing and the other for tap dancing. 'I wish I was talented,' I said, having a closer look at his certificates. 'I had to clean our trophy cabinet yesterday. None of them were mine. I'm the untalented one of the family.'

'Don't be daft,' said Dev. 'Everyone has a talent. I bet I can find out what yours is.' Well good luck to him, HA! I thought it would take him AGES but within seconds he had a brainwave. He chucked a bag of marshmallows at me and said, 'I know, let's see how many of these you can cram into your mouth at once!' 'I know, why don't you come back to me when you've thought of something less idiotic?' I answered. Dev tapped his phone and showed me the screen. 'Look, the world record is fifty-one by a great-granny in Flemingsville, Kentucky, USA. You could beat that easy with your massive gob!'

I wasn't sure if that was a compliment or not. Dev scrolled through his phone again, looking puzzled. 'But it doesn't say whether she had her teeth in.' UGH. I wasn't about to humiliate myself by trying to beat some toothless nonagenarian who lives in a place where they don't have anything better to do– plus what a waste of

marshmallows! I racked my brain and remembered the plastic trophy that I'd found under the bed. 'I've got a better idea,' I said. Dev didn't answer. He was too busy squashing a handful of marshmallows into his gob in an attempt to break the world record himself.