Chapter 7

Saturday morning Don't ask me why but I made everyone walk to the amusement park so I could torture myself by staring longingly at THE MEGA BEAST through the railings. The queue was already a mile long. No wonder all the Sudmouth Posts were sold out. Those people must have camped outside the paper shops overnight to get their vouchers in time. Wish I had thought of that. I still have much to learn in this cruel world.

'I WANNA GO ON THAT!' said Oli, pointing at the kiddie's land train rumbling past. I sighed heavily and replied, 'We might have to make do with that if things carry on the way they are.' 'Actually, if the driver put his foot down over a few speed bumps, it would make a good substitute for THE MEGA BEAST,' said Dev, ever the annoying optimist. I couldn't think what else to do except go back to the B&B, stare at the peeling wallpaper then sob into my polyester-stuffed pillow.

'We must not be defeated!' cried Dev, shaking me out of my pitiful state. 'Luke'll help us look for vouchers. He's the greatest Jedi the galaxy has ever known,' said Oli, making Luke's eyes rotate from side to side. Agung patted me encouragingly on the back and kindly offered me a sherbet lemon with bits of fluff stuck to it out of his cagoule pocket. They were right. We didn't come all this way for nothing. 'OK, what other places will have newspapers?' I said. 'Erm, hairdressers... or a library?' said Oli.

For someone who sticks dolls' heads in jam jars, he is not as daft as he looks. 'Good call, Oli,' I said. 'We went past a hairdresser's in the high street earlier. I remember because Dev said his next hairdo would be a pink pixie bob like the model on the poster.' 'Purple,' said Dev, correcting me.

'Pink, purple, polka dot. This is no time for splitting hairs (har har). We need to get moving now!' I said, ushering them back towards the high street. When we got there, we glanced through the open door. 'Look, that lady's got our paper!' said Oli. Sure enough, underneath a dryer was a withered old woman with a foil-covered head reading the Sudmouth Post. She looked like she'd been left there and been forgotten about since dinosaurs roamed the earth.

'How do we get hold of it?' Dev whispered. 'We could wait until she's completely mummified. Could be quite soon by the looks of it,' I smirked. Dev snorted, 'Or I could get a stink bomb from that joke shop across the road and set it off inside the salon.'