Chapter 4

Tuesday Dad took time off work this morning, drove to the carpet store where they were having a closing down sale and bought a brand-new roll of thick, cream-coloured carpet for half price. It was sitting in the hallway when I got home after fetching Oli from football practice. When no one was looking I went over and ran my fingers through its luxurious fibres. I imagine it was like stroking a sheep, but without the stench of silage or being plagued by ticks.

星期二，爸爸今天早上请了假，开车去正在进行清仓大甩卖的地毯店，以半价买了一卷崭新的奶油色厚地毯。 当我从足球训练中接奥利回家时，它就放在走廊上。 趁没人注意，我走过去，用手指摸了摸它那奢华的纤维。 我想象这就像抚摸一只羊，但没有青贮饲料的恶臭，也没有蜱虫的困扰。

The thought of soft new carpet underfoot filled me with joy, (mainly because our existing one had a lump of chewing gum stuck to it right where I get out of bed every morning), but it wasn't life changing, like THE MEGA BEAST would be. I mean, what could even come close to going on a ride with three corkscrews, five bumps and a twenty-metre drop? Before dinner the family gathered around the kitchen table to discuss the incredibly dull topic of floor refurbishments. Our parents are very keen on home improvements these days. But it's not because of their love of interior decor, it's because EVIL TWINS leave the house in a constant state of ruin. Admittedly the carpet was one quarter my fault (the second quarter being the twins', the

一想到脚下柔软的新地毯，我就充满了喜悦（主要是因为我们现有的地毯上粘着一块口香糖，就在我每天早上起床的地方），但这并没有改变生活，就像巨型野兽一样。 我的意思是，有三个开瓶器、五个颠簸和20米高的落差，有什么能比这更接近骑行呢？ 晚饭前，一家人围坐在厨房的桌子旁，讨论地板翻新这个无聊得令人难以置信的话题。 我们的父母现在非常热衷于装修房屋。 但这并不是因为他们对室内装饰的热爱，而是因为“邪恶双胞胎”总是把房子弄得一团糟。 不可否认，地毯有四分之一是我的错（第二部分是双胞胎的错）

third Mam's for trusting the twins, and the fourth Dev's for suggesting the well dodgy idea in the first place). 'Right,' said Mam. 'As me and your dad have got several days off work, we've decided to get the carpet laid this Easter weekend.' 'But where can we get rid of you lot?' said Dad. 'Easy for me. I can go to Dev's,' I said.

第三个妈妈是因为相信双胞胎，第四个戴夫是因为一开始就提出了这个狡猾的主意)。 “好的，”妈妈说。“因为我和你爸爸有几天假，我们决定在这个复活节周末铺地毯。”“可是我们到哪里去摆脱你们这些人呢？”爸爸说。 “对我来说很容易。“我可以去戴夫家，”我说。

'I'm staying at Gav's,' said Jack. Jack won't admit it but he wanted to stay at Gav's just because he happened to live next door to Kayla Digby, who Jack thinks he's going out with when really she insists they are just book club pals– WHAT A CHUMP! 'What about me?' said Oli. Agung slurped his oolong tea and BURPED. It was all right for him, he didn't need to go anywhere. He had his perfect self-contained room, complete with high definition TV and double toasted sandwich maker, to lounge around in.

“我住在加夫家，”杰克说。 杰克不会承认，但他想呆在加夫家只是因为他碰巧住在凯拉·迪格比的隔壁，杰克以为他和凯拉·迪格比在一起，但实际上她坚持说他们只是读书俱乐部的朋友——真是个笨蛋！“那我呢？”奥利说。 阿贡啜了一口乌龙茶，打了个嗝。 这对他来说很好，他不需要去任何地方。 他有自己完美的独立房间，配有高清电视和双层烤三明治机，可以在里面闲逛。

'Well, I was thinking you could all stay at Aunt Pat's,' said Mam. BRILLIANT. Pat is a far distant relative of Mam's who dedicates her life to collecting Tupperware. At last count, she had 2,478 containers. I have no idea what she does with it all but judging by the bruises I got last time I stayed, I swore my bed was made of several dozen of them sellotaped together. Anyway, my Easter holidays were dire enough without

“嗯，我在想你们可以都住在帕特姨妈家，”妈妈说。 辉煌。帕特是妈妈的远房亲戚，她毕生致力于收集特百惠。 据最新统计，她有2478个集装箱。 我不知道她是怎么处理这些东西的，但从我上次留下的淤青来看，我发誓我的床是由几十个淤青粘在一起的。 不管怎样，我的复活节假期已经够可怕的了

having to endure being shown her latest set of vacuum seal lids, so I replied, 'No way am I going to Aunt Pat's.' 'I'm staying at Gav's,' Jack repeated. 'What about me?' blubbed Oli. 'OK, so not Aunt Pat's then,' said Mam, rolling her eyes. I think our parents felt bad about trying to palm us off onto the most tedious relative in the known universe because afterwards Dad went to the BAMBOO GARDEN Chinese takeaway, which is owned by Agung's second cousins, the Chans, to get our tea. Normally we only go once a month as it is considered a rare treat, like lighting a scented candle, or using a hot water bottle before December.

我不得不忍受别人给我看她最新的一套真空密封盖，所以我回答说：“我不可能去帕特阿姨家。”“我住在加夫家。”杰克重复道。 “那我呢？”奥利哭着说。 “好吧，那就别去帕特姨妈家了，”妈妈翻着白眼说。 我想，我们的父母对把我们交给这个宇宙中最乏味的亲戚感到不好意思，因为后来爸爸去了阿贡的远房表亲陈氏家族开的竹园中式外卖店给我们买茶。 通常我们一个月只去一次，因为这被认为是一种罕见的享受，就像点燃一支香薰蜡烛，或者在12月之前使用热水瓶一样。