Chapter 4

Tuesday Dad took time off work this morning, drove to the carpet store where they were having a closing down sale and bought a brand-new roll of thick, cream-coloured carpet for half price. It was sitting in the hallway when I got home after fetching Oli from football practice. When no one was looking I went over and ran my fingers through its luxurious fibres. I imagine it was like stroking a sheep, but without the stench of silage or being plagued by ticks.

The thought of soft new carpet underfoot filled me with joy, (mainly because our existing one had a lump of chewing gum stuck to it right where I get out of bed every morning), but it wasn't life changing, like THE MEGA BEAST would be. I mean, what could even come close to going on a ride with three corkscrews, five bumps and a twenty-metre drop? Before dinner the family gathered around the kitchen table to discuss the incredibly dull topic of floor refurbishments. Our parents are very keen on home improvements these days. But it's not because of their love of interior decor, it's because EVIL TWINS leave the house in a constant state of ruin. Admittedly the carpet was one quarter my fault (the second quarter being the twins', the

third Mam's for trusting the twins, and the fourth Dev's for suggesting the well dodgy idea in the first place). 'Right,' said Mam. 'As me and your dad have got several days off work, we've decided to get the carpet laid this Easter weekend.' 'But where can we get rid of you lot?' said Dad. 'Easy for me. I can go to Dev's,' I said.

'I'm staying at Gav's,' said Jack. Jack won't admit it but he wanted to stay at Gav's just because he happened to live next door to Kayla Digby, who Jack thinks he's going out with when really she insists they are just book club pals– WHAT A CHUMP! 'What about me?' said Oli. Agung slurped his oolong tea and BURPED. It was all right for him, he didn't need to go anywhere. He had his perfect self-contained room, complete with high definition TV and double toasted sandwich maker, to lounge around in.

'Well, I was thinking you could all stay at Aunt Pat's,' said Mam. BRILLIANT. Pat is a far distant relative of Mam's who dedicates her life to collecting Tupperware. At last count, she had 2,478 containers. I have no idea what she does with it all but judging by the bruises I got last time I stayed, I swore my bed was made of several dozen of them sellotaped together. Anyway, my Easter holidays were dire enough without

having to endure being shown her latest set of vacuum seal lids, so I replied, 'No way am I going to Aunt Pat's.' 'I'm staying at Gav's,' Jack repeated. 'What about me?' blubbed Oli. 'OK, so not Aunt Pat's then,' said Mam, rolling her eyes. I think our parents felt bad about trying to palm us off onto the most tedious relative in the known universe because afterwards Dad went to the BAMBOO GARDEN Chinese takeaway, which is owned by Agung's second cousins, the Chans, to get our tea. Normally we only go once a month as it is considered a rare treat, like lighting a scented candle, or using a hot water bottle before December.