Chapter 3

Monday– later that day It took ages to get to the garden centre because of Agung's sciatica. He needed to sit down fourteen times for a rest, and that was only to the bus stop. AMAZING. The garden centre was dead busy when we got there. Mostly full of pensioners looking for a free day out. I don't understand what the appeal is myself. There is nothing remotely interesting about woody

perennials or Victorian trellises, and to top it all off the place smells like a pile of rotten manure. I found the ornaments section quite entertaining though, due to the puzzling array of useless tat on display. Right now you can get resin hedgehogs wearing cloth caps at half price, and if you buy a camper vanshaped watering can you get a free glow-in-the-dark toadstool with it. Hideous! No wonder they were trying to give them away! I spotted a badly painted gnome with a monobrow and pointed it out to Agung.

'Look, it's Jack!' I said. He laughed so hard his teeth fell out ito a terrarium full of cacti and I had to fetch a member of staff to help us retrieve them. She ended up putting on weeding gloves and using a trowel to pluck them out. She didn't seem very pleased about the whole ordeal. I wanted to point out that it said 'Happy to help with anything!' on her badge, but thought best not to push it.

After we wiped the soil off Agung's teeth and he put them back in, we traipsed about for another half an hour until he finally bought something, which turned out to be one piddly packet of tomato seeds! I couldn't believe I'd given up half my day for this when I should have been guarding my

Easter eggs and preparing to break a local record. As we made our way towards the exit I wondered what the status was with my booby traps. The twins could have had a very nasty surprise by now. Then I had a dreadful thought, I forgot to tell Jack what I was up to. What if he walked into the traps instead? I came to the conclusion that it would: a) Serve him right for being a sneaky thief b) Mean my life wasn't going to be worth living when I got back! Agung tugged my sleeve and said something in Chinese. He pointed to the café and rubbed his belly. That meant he wanted to stop for lunch.

GREAT. Anyone who's ever had a meal with Agung knows he eats at the speed of a tortoise and weirdly, chews like one too. I always half expect him to suddenly retract his head at the slightest hint of danger. It is quite disturbing. 'I'm hungry too,' said Oli. 'And so is Luke.' 'How can Luke be hungry when he's a doll?' I said. 'He's not a doll, he's an action figure!' said Oli, thrusting the swivel-eyed Jedi at me.