Chapter 2

Monday– way too early Mam burst into my room at seven o'clock this morning. I was appalled! Doesn't she know that growing kids need twenty-three hours of sleep a night in order to develop into well-adjusted adults? (Unlike her!) I read that in a magazine last month. (It was someone else's magazine, and I was two bus seats behind them, so there could be a chance I got that wrong.)

星期一——太早了今天早上7点钟，妈妈冲进了我的房间。 我吓坏了！难道她不知道成长中的孩子每晚需要23小时的睡眠才能成长为适应能力强的成年人吗？ (与她!)我上个月在杂志上看到的。 （那是别人的杂志，我坐在他们后面两个座位，所以我有可能记错了。）

Mam said she was cleaning. The woman is POSSESSED! Actually the real reason for Mam's erratic behaviour was because the childminding inspectors were coming and the house needed to be immaculate. I reminded her they weren't due till after the Easter holidays, which was ages away. She ignored me, drew the curtains back and snapped,

妈妈说她在打扫卫生。 这个女人被附身了！事实上，妈妈行为古怪的真正原因是育儿监察员要来了，房子需要保持整洁。 我提醒她复活节假期后才交，那是很久以前的事了。 她不理我，拉开窗帘，厉声说，

'What are your pants doing on the windowsill?!' 'They need airing,' I mumbled, from under the pillow that I had placed over my head to drown out the noise of dusting. Really, I'd had to find somewhere to put the Easter eggs me and Dev bought yesterday. So I'd emptied a clothes drawer and put them in there. 'The neighbours don't want to see your disgusting undies,' said Mam. 'They'll think we're a bunch of scruffs!'

“你的裤子怎么会在窗台上？”“它们需要风吹日晒，”我从枕在头上的枕头下面咕哝着，枕头是为了盖住灰尘的声音。 真的，我得找个地方放我和戴夫昨天买的复活节彩蛋。 所以我把抽屉里的衣服都清空了，放在那里。 “邻居们不想看到你恶心的内衣，”妈妈说。 “他们会认为我们是一群邋遢鬼！”

Well if they were 'disgusting' then I blamed it on the knackered old washer (not Mam, the washing machine). I got up to clear them away and spotted the rusty cement mixer and bashed-up scooter that Dad couldn't fit into his shed sprawled over the lawn. I pointed them out to Mam. 'Now that's what I call a pile of pants!' 'Don't worry, I've already had words with Dad about that eyesore!' said Mam. Oli woke up and started whinging about the noise, which ironically just added to the existing noise. (I have decided that when I get my own room I will have a huge party and invite everyone... except Oli). I opened my drawer and stared blankly into it. I was having a dilemma about how to fit my

好吧，如果它们“恶心”，那么我就把它归咎于破旧的洗衣机（不是妈妈，是洗衣机）。 我站起来清理它们，看到了生锈的水泥搅拌机和被撞坏的摩托车，爸爸的棚子在草坪上摊开，根本装不下。 我指给妈妈看。 “这就是我所说的一堆裤子！”“别担心，我已经和爸爸说过那个碍眼的东西了！”妈妈说。 奥利醒了，开始抱怨噪音，讽刺的是，这只会增加现有的噪音。 (我已经决定，等我有了自己的房间，我要举办一个盛大的派对，邀请所有人…… 奥利除外)。我打开抽屉，茫然地盯着里面。 我进退两难，不知道该怎么搭配我的

drawers into my drawers! HA! HA! Then the doorbell rang. 'Who's got the nerve to go bothering people at this ungodly hour?' said my mother, who came into my room at seven in the morning to polish the radiator pipes with a cotton bud! 'Go and see who that idiot is and tell them to do one!' she said. I went downstairs and answered the door. It was Mrs Tatlock dropping the EVIL TWINS off early for childminding. 'Oh, hello, Mrs Tatlock, I forgot you were coming early today!' Mam puffed, racing down the stairs.

抽屉进我的抽屉！哈!哈!这时门铃响了。 “谁好意思在这个不合适的时间去打扰别人？”我的母亲说，她在早上7点来到我的房间，用棉签擦拭散热器管！“去看看那个白痴是谁，叫他们做一件！”她说。 我下楼去应门。 是塔特洛克太太提前把“邪恶双胞胎”送去照看孩子。 “哦，你好，塔特洛克太太，我忘了你今天来得早！”妈妈喘着气跑下楼梯。

She was doing one of her weird toothy smiles. The Tatlocks are the best employers Mam's ever had, so she becomes uncharacteristically nice whenever they are round. The twins are also oddly well-behaved, right up until the very second their parents leave, then they turn our house into the Chester Zoo chimp enclosure. As soon as Mrs Tatlock had left and Mam had disappeared into the kitchen to make breakfast, EVIL TWINS were straight onto me. 'Gim-me choc-let!' snarled Ted.

她在做她那奇怪的咧嘴笑。 塔洛克夫妇是玛姆遇到过的最好的雇主，所以每当他们在身边时，她就变得异常友好。 这对双胞胎也出奇的乖，直到他们的父母离开的那一刻，他们就把我们的房子变成了切斯特动物园的黑猩猩圈。 塔特洛克太太一走，妈妈就进厨房做早饭去了，“邪恶双胞胎”就直奔我而来。 “Gim-me choc-let !泰德咆哮道。