Chapter 1

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Sunday School Easter holidays had only just begun and I already wanted to stick my head in a bucket of frogspawn. Correction, a wok full of frogspawn. Because unlike other families who might have a proper frog pond, we have one made out of a Chinese frying pan. Dad doesn't like chucking anything out, so he had a brainwave to reuse the wok after I ruined

it burning an omelette. He says he likes saving nature, but we all know it's really the pennies he's trying to save! The Easter holidays were boring but I didn't complain out loud because if I do Mam always thinks of chores for me, normally involving bins, and I wasn't doing that rubbish! (HA! HA!) I went upstairs to hide and my little brother Oli was in our bedroom (because we share, worst luck). 'What are you doing?' I said. 'Counting my Easter eggs,' he replied.

He only had four, I could see that as soon as I walked in. Blimey, he must have been more bored than I was! He was prodding the eggs with his Luke Skywalker action figure's hand as he counted. Then he recounted just to make sure. UGH.

I don't care which comes first but pleeaase: 1) Can I have my own bedroom? 2) Can the holidays be over so I don't have to put up with this madness?! I headed back downstairs but my big brother Jack heard me SHRIEK outside his room as I trod in a lump of homemade slime Oli had dropped on the carpet. 'Oi, Nut, come here!' he shouted. I wish he would stop calling me that. That 'peanut up my nose' incident was over six years ago. I am not that person any more. I am now intelligent, mature and fully aware of

the correct hole food goes into. I opened his door and huffed, 'WHAT?' 'You got any snacks?' he said, staring at his computer screen. Anyone who blatantly insults me then asks for snacks without saying 'please' can go for a naked jog in a cactus field as far as I am concerned. 'Ah no, sorry I haven't,' I lied. Dev, my bezzie mate who goes to drama club, taught me how to look sorry by thinking of something tragic. So while lying to Jack I thought about that family picnic where I accidentally trod on the hem of my skirt as I stood up and ended up faceplanting in the soft cheese swirl.