9. Just Say No to Clubs

9 Just Say No... to Clubs Me and the other human children were eating lunch in the vomitorium, which used to be called the cafetorium until some kid threw up in there last year. Everybody was talking about the clubs they had joined. Emily told us she was in the Read to Kindergarten Club. She goes to the

kindergarten class and reads to the smaller humans while the kindergarten teachers get to go hang out in the teachers' lounge. Michael told us he was in the Lawn Mower Racing Club. He said members of the club race around the field behind the school pushing lawn mowers. That sounded pretty cool until Michael told us he thought it was just a way to get kids to mow the lawn for free. Alexia told us she was in the Can-Can Club. She goes around to all the classrooms at the end of the school day and empties the teachers' garbage cans into a dumpster. Ryan told us he was in the Add Paper to the Copy Machine Club. He goes to the front office after school and puts new paper in the copy machine. Neil told us he was in the Clean the Toilets Club. He goes into the restrooms after school and cleans the toilets. Gross! Andrea was wearing her mean face.

"I just realized something," she said. "These clubs are not for us to have fun. They are just a way to get us to do things the grown-ups do not want to do!" Andrea was right, for once in her life. What a scam the grown-ups were pulling

on us. "Every time I want to join a club that sounds like fun," I said, "Mrs. Marge says not enough kids signed up for it. Then she puts me in some other dumb club." "That happened to me too!" said Neil, Alexia, Ryan, Emily, Michael, and Andrea. "All these clubs are bogus!" complained Michael. "I hate extracurricular activities!" complained Alexia. "None of the clubs I joined are going to help me get into Harvard," complained Andrea. "I wish we had normal clubs," complained Emily. "Clubs that are fun." "I wish we were in third grade again," complained Ryan. "Yes," agreed Michael. "Then we would not have to be part of any of these clubs. They are no fun at all." "It is not fair!" shouted Alexia. "You guys should have listened to me,"

I told them. "I knew from the start that clubs would be no fun." "We should stop going," Alexia suggested. "We should just say no to clubs." "Yes!" we all agreed. Even Andrea. "NO MORE CLUBS!" we all started chanting. "NO MORE CLUBS!" And you will never believe in a hundred million years who walked through the door at that moment. Nobody! If you tried to walk through a wooden door, you might damage the door with your useless peabrain skull. That was mentioned several times previously in this book. But you will never believe who walked through the doorway.

It was Mrs. Marge! "Good afternoon, children!" she said. "Are you excited for extracurricular activities today?" "NO!" we all shouted. "We are not going to extracurricular activities anymore," said Ryan. "Excuse me?" said Mrs. Marge. Human grown-ups are always asking to be excused, even though there is no excuse