7. Where Do Seeds Come From

7 Where Do Seeds Come From? Nothing grew. Our garden was the worst garden in the history of gardens. The next day, Miss Nichol arrived on her tractor, wearing a T-shirt that said I'M ROOTING FOR YOU on it.

Well, the tractor wasn't wearing the T-shirt. Miss Nichol was. It would be weird for a tractor to wear a T-shirt, or any kind of clothing. Miss Nichol had a box with her. She was looking at our pathetic garden when Mrs. Stoker came out of the school. "I just wanted to see how you kids were making out," she said. "Ugh, gross!" we all replied. "We're not making out." "Our garden is terrible," admitted Andrea. "Gardening can be very difficult," said Mrs. Stoker. "One time, I tried growing fungi, but it didn't grow at all. I guess there was mushroom for improvement. Get it? Mushroom? Much room?" We all laughed even though Mrs. Stoker didn't say anything funny. "Yeah," she continued. "I know a guy who dug a deep hole in his garden and filled it with water. I think he meant well. Get it? But seriously, his whole garden flooded. It turned out there was a leek in it. Get it? There was a leek in the garden?"* She kept telling jokes for a while. We asked Miss Nichol why nothing grew in our garden. She

told us she knew from the start that nothing was going to grow. "Why didn't you tell us?" asked Neil. "I wanted to teach you young 'uns a lesson," Miss Nichol explained. "Lollipops, candy canes, and doughnuts don't grow outta the ground." "What about chicken trees?" I asked. "Nope." Bummer in the summer! Miss Nichol told us that if we wanted anything to grow in our garden, we would have to plant normal stuff like cucumbers, tomatoes, and zucchini. She opened the box she was carrying. It was filled with little bags of seeds. She got down on her knees with us and showed us how to plant the seeds. "Where do seeds come from, Miss Nichol?" asked Andrea, who has to know everything so she can be smarter than everybody else. "Seeds come from fruits and vegetables," replied Miss Nichol. "So where do the fruits and vegetables come from?" Andrea asked. "They come from seeds," said Miss Nichol.

"And where do seeds come from?" asked Andrea. "They come from fruits and vegetables," said Miss Nichol. "But where do fruits and vegetables come from?" They went back and forth like that for a while. We planted a bunch of seeds and watered them with a watering can. And then we waited. And waited. And waited.

Nothing grew! This was frustrating! Maybe our dirt was no good. Maybe we didn't water the seeds enough. Maybe we watered too much. Or maybe we were just terrible gardeners. That afternoon in class, we were talking about all this stuff. And you'll never believe who walked into the door at that moment. Nobody! Who walks into doors? We went over that in Chapter 1. But you'll never believe who walked into the doorway. It was Uncle Fred! He used to be the host of a kids' TV show, but now he's our music teacher. It's a long story. You can read about it in a book called Uncle Fred Is a Knucklehead! "I heard about your garden," Uncle Fred said. "I think I know what to do. Follow me." We followed Uncle Fred out to the garden. He opened his backpack and took out a violin. "I know for a fact that zucchini like soothing music," said Uncle Fred. "It helps them grow. So I'm going to play Beethoven for your zucchini." He played Beethoven in the garden for a million hundred hours. The whole time, we looked at the dirt to see if anything was popping through the surface.

Nothing. I guess the zucchini don't like Beethoven after all.