15. Attack of the Mutant Veggie

15 Attack of the Mutant Veggie The next day, Miss Nichol arrived on her tractor, wearing a T-shirt that said IT'S THYME TO TURNIP THE BEET on it. Well, the tractor wasn't wearing the T-shirt. She was. Didn't we go over this a million hundred times already?

After we pledged the allegiance and did Word of the Day with Miss Banks, we went out to the garden to clean it up and plant new veggies. And you'll never believe what we found out there growing in the garden. You're probably thinking it was more zucchini. But you're wrong again! So nah-nah- nah boo-boo on you. It was just one cucumber! And not just any cucumber. It was a giant cucumber. I mean, this cucumber was ginormous.* It was as big as a sixth grader. "WOW," we said, which is "WOW" backward and "MOM" upside down. "That's the biggest pickle I've seen in my life," I said. "It's not a pickle, Arlo," said Andrea. "It's a cucumber."

I knew that. But Andrea said cucumbers turn into pickles, so technically I was right. Miss Nichol got a long knife. She said she was going to cut up the ginormous cucumber and pass it around to all the classes. But just as she was about to cut into it... "Wait!" shouted Mr. Tony, snapping his fingers. "What's the matter?" asked Miss Nichol.

"I have another idea," Mr. Tony said as he pulled out his cell phone. "I know a guy who works for Guinness World Records. Before you cut the cucumber, he should see it. It just might be the biggest cucumber in the world." "Cool!" we all shouted. "We're gonna be in Guinness World Records!" shouted Alexia. Mr. Tony should get the Nobel Prize for that idea. He called up the Guinness Guy, and less than an hour later he showed up. The guy must have rushed over. I guess it's not every day that somebody calls up and says they grew the biggest cucumber in the world. The Guinness Guy came out to the garden. He had a long yardstick with him. We showed him our ginormous cucumber. "Hmmm," he said as he measured it. "Very interesting." "Is it the biggest cucumber in the world?" asked Mr. Tony. "Well, I must say that this cucumber is quite large," said the Guinness Guy, "but it's only the second biggest cucumber in the world." What?!

"I'm sorry," said the Guinness Guy. "Last year, a woman in Australia grew a cucumber that was an inch longer than this cucumber. Nice try though." Bummer in the summer! We weren't going to get into Guinness World Records after all. Everybody was sad, especially Mr. Tony. He always wants to set world records. Miss Nichol took out her knife again. She sliced the cucumber in half and opened it up, like a coffin. It looked squishy and gooey on the inside. The Guinness Guy said he had to go. He was about to leave when the weirdest thing in the history of the world happened. "Wait a minute," the Guinness Guy said as he was looking at the garden. "What's this?" He picked up a veggie. We all gathered around. The veggie he was holding didn't look like a tomato or a cucumber or a banana or anything else we had planted. "I don't rightly know," said Miss Nichol. "I've never seen this kinda veggie in all mah days." "Is it possible," asked the Guinness Guy, "that you might have planted two seeds right next to

one another, and they combined to create some sort of a... mutant vegetable?" "Hmmm," all the grown-ups hmmmed. "It looks sort of like a cross between a cantaloupe and a tomato," said Mr. Tony. "It's a tomataloupe!" I shouted. "No, It's a cantamato!" shouted Andrea. "Tomataloupe!" I shouted. "Cantamato!" shouted Andrea. "Tomataloupe!" "Cantamato!" We went back and forth like that for a while. "Oooooh!" Ryan said, "A.J. and Andrea both want to name the mutant veggie. They must be in LOVE!" "When are you gonna get married?" asked Michael. If those guys weren't my best friends, I would hate them. "Whatever you call this thing," the Guinness Guy said, "I've never seen anything like it. It's one of a kind. It may be the first one in the world! I'm going to put it in Guinness World Records." "YAY" everybody shouted, which is also "YAY" backward.