13. This Means War!

13 This Means War! "I have an idea!" said Miss Nichol. "We should put an electric fence 'round the garden!" Huh? An electric fence? "Yeah!' said Mr. Tony. "If an animal comes within range of an electric fence, it will get zapped with a thousand volts."

这意味着战争！“我有个主意！”尼科尔小姐说。 “我们应该在花园周围装个电栅栏！”嗯? 电动围栏？“是啊!托尼先生说。 “如果动物进入电栅栏的范围内，它就会受到一千伏特的电击。”

"That's a shocking idea," Ryan said. "I'm not sure if I approve of such violence," said Andrea. "What do you have against violins?" I asked her. "Not violins, Arlo! Violence!" I know the difference between violins and violence. I was just yanking Andrea's chain. "Where would we get an electric fence, anyway?" asked Neil. "From Rent-An-Electric Fence," I told him. "You can rent anything." We had worked really hard building the wooden fence. But we all helped Miss Nichol tear it down. Mr. Tony went to rent an electric fence. When he came back, he set it up and plugged it in with a long extension cord. Then we waited. There was electricity in the air. Really! After we put up the electric fence, there was electricity in the air. "This'll keep those varmints out of our garden," Miss Nichol said. But it didn't! The next morning, we went out to check the garden, and more of our veggies had bites taken out of them!

“这是一个令人震惊的想法，”瑞安说。 “我不确定我是否赞成这种暴力，”安德烈说。 “你为什么不喜欢小提琴？”我问她。 “不是小提琴，阿乐！”暴力!”我知道小提琴和暴力的区别。 我只是在拉安德里亚的链子 尼尔问：“我们从哪里弄一个电栅栏呢？” “从租电围栏来的，”我告诉他。 “你可以租任何东西。”我们很努力地建造了木栅栏。 但我们都帮尼科尔小姐拆掉了它。 托尼先生去租了一个电栅栏。 当他回来的时候，他把它设置好，用一根长长的延长线插上。 然后我们等着。空气中充满了电。 真的!我们架起电栅栏后，空气中就有了电。 尼科尔小姐说：“这能把那些害虫赶出我们的花园。” 但它没有！第二天早上，我们出去查看菜园，发现更多的蔬菜被咬坏了！

"Hmmm," all the grown-ups hmmmed as they looked at what was left of our garden. "They got through the wooden fence," said Mr. Tony.

“嗯，”大人们看着我们花园里剩下的东西，都哼了起来。 “他们穿过了木栅栏，”托尼先生说。

"They flew over the electric fence," said Miss Banks. "We didn't see 'em on the video," said Miss Nichol. "They might've tunneled under the fences." "Hmmm..." Miss Nichol snapped her fingers. "Bugs!" she shouted. "I shoulda thoughta that from the get-go! Bugs and slugs and other little critters must be eating our veggies!" Of course! It seemed so obvious. "It could be earwigs," said Mr. Tony. Earwigs? That didn't make any sense. Why would anybody put a wig on their ear? "We should spray the garden with bug spray," said Michael. "And eat veggies with bug spray in 'em?" said Miss Nichol. "No way. Nah, we need to outsmart the critters." She snapped her fingers. Every time I thought Miss Nichol was going to give up, she didn't. Whenever something failed, she just became more determined. "Bug traps!" Miss Nichol shouted.

“它们飞过了电栅栏，”班克斯小姐说。 尼科尔小姐说：“我们在录像上没有看到他们。” “他们可能在围栏下面挖了隧道。” “嗯……”尼科尔小姐打了个响指。 “虫子！”她喊道。“我从一开始就应该想到这一点！”虫子、鼻涕虫和其他小动物一定在吃我们的蔬菜！”当然!这似乎是显而易见的。 “可能是土蜈蚣，”托尼先生说。 真吗?这没有任何意义。 为什么会有人把假发戴在耳朵上？ “我们应该在花园里喷洒杀虫剂，”迈克尔说。 “吃涂了杀虫剂的蔬菜？”尼科尔小姐说。 “没门。不，我们需要智胜这些小动物。” 她打着响指。每次我以为尼科尔小姐要放弃了，她都没有。 每当事情失败时，她就会变得更加坚定。 “错误陷阱!”尼科尔小姐喊道。

She explained to us that bugs and slugs and earwigs are attracted to certain foods, like garlic and seaweed. If you put those things into little cups and place them around a garden, the critters will climb into the cups and get trapped in there. We went to the vomitorium and got garlic, vinegar, crushed eggshells, coffee grounds, and other stuff that Miss Nichol told us bugs like to eat. We found some little cups in the arts and farts room. "This means war!" Miss Nichol said, as she put the last bug trap down in the garden. "I'm gonna get those critters if it's the last thing I do."

她向我们解释说，虫子、鼻涕虫和蠼螋会被某些食物吸引，比如大蒜和海藻。 如果你把这些东西放进小杯子里，放在花园周围，这些小动物就会爬进杯子里，被困在里面。 我们去了vomitorium，买了大蒜、醋、碎蛋壳、咖啡渣，还有尼科尔小姐告诉我们虫子喜欢吃的其他东西。 我们在艺术和放屁教室找到了一些小杯子。 “这意味着战争！”尼科尔小姐说，她把最后一个捕虫器放在花园里。 “如果这是我做的最后一件事，我一定要抓住那些小动物。”

You probably think this is the end of the story. You probably think the bug traps worked and everybody lived happily ever after. Well, the bug traps didn't work, and nobody was happy.* Nothing worked. No matter what we did, the bugs kept eating our veggies. This was the worst thing to happen since National Poetry Month. Miss Nichol sat down on the ground and put her head in her hands. "I'm worried about Miss Nichol," whispered Andrea. "The stress is getting to her. I think she needs to talk to somebody." Ugh. Andrea's mother is a psychologist, so Andrea thinks everybody needs to talk to somebody. It was all ridorkulous if you ask me. I can't believe bugs like to eat veggies so much. I hate veggies. I bet if we put junk food out there in the garden, the bugs would eat it and leave our veggies alone. I snapped my fingers. "I have an idea!" I said. "We should put Flamin' Hot Cheetos all over the garden! The bugs will eat them and leave the veggies alone!"

你可能认为这就是故事的结局。 你可能认为捕虫器起作用了，大家从此过上了幸福的生活。 捕虫器不管用，大家都不高兴。*什么都没用。 不管我们怎么做，虫子还是在吃我们的蔬菜。 这是自全国诗歌月以来最糟糕的事情。 尼科尔小姐坐在地上，双手抱头。 “我很担心尼科尔小姐，”安德烈低声说。 “压力越来越大。 我觉得她需要找人谈谈。” 啊。安德里亚的母亲是一位心理学家，所以安德里亚认为每个人都需要找人倾诉。 要我说，这一切都很荒谬。 我真不敢相信虫子这么喜欢吃蔬菜。 我讨厌蔬菜。我敢打赌，如果我们把垃圾食品放在花园里，虫子会把它吃掉，而不去碰我们的蔬菜。 我打了个响指。“我有个主意！”我说。 “我们应该在花园里到处放热辣奇多！”虫子会吃掉它们，不碰蔬菜！”