1. Pickles and Cucumbers

1 Pickles and Cucumbers My name is A.J. and I hate vegetables. Why do I hate veggies? Because they grow in the dirt, of course! I'm not gonna eat something that grows in dirt. And you know what dirt is, don't you? It's worm poop! That's right. When worms go to the

腌黄瓜和黄瓜我叫A.J. 我讨厌蔬菜。为什么我讨厌蔬菜？ 当然是因为它们生长在泥土里！我才不要吃长在土里的东西。 你知道土是什么，对吧？ 这是虫子的便便！这是正确的。 当蠕虫去

bathroom, it becomes dirt.* The point is, it was Monday morning in Miss Banks's class. "Good morning, Miss Banks," everybody said when she walked into the room. "Oh, I'm not Miss Banks," she replied. "Miss Banks is out sick today. I'm her twin sister, Mrs. Banks." What? I didn't know Miss Banks had a twin sister. This was great news! If Miss Banks was out sick, her twin sister would be our sub. So we wouldn't have math. We wouldn't have social studies. We wouldn't have reading. This was the greatest day of my life! "Just kidding," said Miss Banks. "I don't have a sister. Time is fun when you're having flies!" She tricked us again! Miss Banks pulls lots of pranks. We pledged the allegiance and did Word of the Day. And you'll never believe who walked into the door at that moment. Nobody! Why would you walk into a door? You could break your nose. But you'll never believe who walked into the doorway.

浴室，它变得肮脏。*重点是，那是周一早上班克斯小姐的课。 “早上好，班克斯小姐，”当她走进房间时，大家都说。 “哦，我不是班克斯小姐，”她回答。 “班克斯小姐今天请病假了。 我是她的孪生妹妹，班克斯太太。” 怎么啦？我不知道班克斯小姐还有个双胞胎妹妹。 这真是个好消息！如果班克斯小姐病了，她的双胞胎妹妹会是我们的代课老师。 所以我们没有数学。我们不会有社会研究。 我们就不会读书了。这是我一生中最棒的一天！“开个玩笑，”班克斯小姐说。 “我没有妹妹。当你有苍蝇的时候，时间是有趣的！”她又骗了我们！班克斯小姐爱搞恶作剧。 我们宣誓效忠，并做了每日一词。 你绝对不会相信那一刻谁走进来了。 没有人!你为什么要撞门？ 你可能会打断你的鼻子。 但你绝对不会相信谁走进了门口。

I'm not gonna tell you. Okay, okay, I'll tell you. It was our principal, Mrs. Stoker. "Good morning, fourth graders," she said. "Say, do you know what kind of vegetable you get when an elephant walks through your garden?" "No," said Ryan, who will eat anything, even stuff that isn't food. "Beats me," said Michael, who never ties his shoes. "I give up," said Andrea, this annoying girl with curly brown hair. "I give up too," said Emily, Andrea's crybaby friend who does everything Andrea does. "I have no clue," said Neil, who we call the nude kid even though he wears clothes.

我不会告诉你的。好吧，好吧，我告诉你。 是我们的校长，斯托克夫人。 “四年级的同学们，早上好，”她说。 “喂，你知道当大象走过你的花园时，你会得到什么样的蔬菜吗？”“不，”瑞安说，他什么都吃，甚至不是食物的东西。 “难倒我了。”迈克尔说，他从来不系鞋带。 “我放弃了，”安德里亚说，这个令人讨厌的棕色卷发女孩。 “我也放弃了，”安德里亚爱哭的朋友艾米丽说。 “我不知道，”尼尔说，尽管他穿着衣服，我们还是称他为裸体孩子。

"Me neither," said Alexia, this girl who rides a skateboard all the time. "What kind of vegetable do you get when an elephant walks through your garden?"

“我也是，”亚历克西娅说，她是一个经常玩滑板的女孩。 “当大象走过你的花园时，你会得到什么样的蔬菜？”

"Squash!" shouted Mrs. Stoker. "Get it?" "We get it," everybody replied. Mrs. Stoker is a joker. "And do you know why the lettuce won the race?" she asked. "Because it was a head!" We all laughed. You should always laugh at the principal's jokes, even when they're not funny. That's the first rule of being a kid. "But seriously," said Mrs. Stoker. "I was in the cafeteria this morning, and I noticed that almost all the food we serve for lunch is full of preservatives and chemicals." "Yum!" I said, until I realized that was a bad thing. "I mean yuck." "So guess what we're going to do," said Mrs. Stoker. "Close down the vomitorium?" asked Neil. "No," replied Mrs. Stoker. "Get healthier preservatives and chemicals?" asked Ryan. "No." "Have pizza for lunch every day?" asked Alexia. "No," said Mrs. Stoker. "We're going to start our own vegetable garden!"

“壁球！”斯托克太太喊道。 “明白了吗?”“我们明白了，”每个人都回答。 斯托克太太是个爱开玩笑的人。“你知道莴苣为什么赢了比赛吗？”她问。 “因为那是个头！”我们都笑了。 你应该总是对校长讲的笑话发笑，即使它们并不好笑。 这是当孩子的第一准则。 “可是说真的，”斯托克太太说。 “今天早上我在自助餐厅，我注意到我们午餐提供的几乎所有食物都含有防腐剂和化学物质。” “好吃!”我说，直到我意识到这是件坏事。 “我是说恶心。”“那你猜我们该怎么办？”斯托克太太说。 “关闭体育馆？”尼尔问。 “没有，”斯托克太太回答。 “买更健康的防腐剂和化学品？”瑞恩问。 “没有。”“每天午餐都吃披萨吗？”亚历克西亚问。 “没有，”斯托克太太说。“我们要开始自己的菜园了！”