7. Going Once Going Twice

7 Going Once... Going Twice... I was at school the next day, minding my own business in Miss Banks's class. "Turn to page twenty-three in your math books," said Miss Banks. Ugh. Do we have to do math? But that's when the weirdest thing in the history of the world happened. An announcement came over the loudspeaker.

Well, that's not the weird part. We get announcements over the loudspeaker all the time. The weird part was what happened next. "Miss Banks, please send A.J. to the office." "Ooooh!" everybody oooohed. "A.J. is in trouble!" I got out of my seat and walked a million hundred miles to the office. And you'll never believe who was standing there. I'm not going to tell you. Okay, okay, I'll tell you. It was Professor Armpit! "Artlo!" he said. "Quickly! I need you to come with me." "But it's the middle of a school day," I said. "You can go to school anytime," he told me. "This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Don't worry. I got permission from your parents."

Sounded good to me. At least I would be getting out of math. We got into Professor Armpit's car and he drove downtown to some building with a sign that said CHRISTIE'S. "What's this?" I asked. "A restaurant?" "No." We took the elevator to the second floor. It opened into a big room full of grown-ups sitting on chairs. There must have been a hundred of them, and they were all holding paddles in their hands. "What's with the paddles?" I asked Professor Armpit. "Is this a Ping-Pong tournament?" "No, it's an auction," he whispered. "We're going to sell your masterpiece. Shhh! Let's sit down." We found seats in the back. I looked around the room. There were no pretzels or snacks anywhere. "Nobody's gonna buy Future Art," I whispered to Professor Armpit.

"Sure they will," he whispered back. "Everything has its price." In the front of the room, some guy in a suit was standing behind a podium. My dumb tube of paint was taped to the wall behind him. "Our next artwork is by a young man who goes by the name of Artlo," he said into a microphone. "It is titled Future Art. Let's start the bidding. Who will offer one hundred dollars for this sculpture?" A hundred dollars? Was he joking? It was a tube of paint taped to the wall! A bunch of art nerds raised their paddles and shouted "A hundred!" "Excellent start!" said the auctioneer. "Who will offer two hundred dollars?" "Two hundred!" somebody shouted, raising his paddle. "See?" Professor Armpit whispered. "Your art is valuable!"

"Do I hear three hundred dollars?"

asked the auctioneer. "Three hundred!" somebody yelled. "Four hundred!" "Five hundred!" I couldn't believe it. These art nerds were bidding on my fake art! "Six hundred!" "Seven hundred!" "Eight hundred!" People were jumping out of their seats and holding their paddles in the air to get the auctioneer's attention. It was amazing. You should have been there! "Nine hundred!" "Nine fifty!"