1. Ms. Hannah Loves Garbage

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1 Ms. Hannah Loves Garbage My name is A.J. and I know what you're thinking. You're thinking about babysitting. I know, because that's what I'm thinking about. I don't get it. Why would anybody want to sit on a baby? That's mean. You could hurt the baby. What did a baby ever do to

you? The point is, we were in Miss Banks's class the other day. "I have an announcement to make," Miss Banks announced. "School is canceled for the rest of your lifetime." WHAT?! Everybody started yelling and screaming and hooting and hollering and freaking out. "Just kidding," said Miss Banks. "Time is fun when you're having flies! Line up for art class." Miss Banks pulls lots of pranks. I hate art class. Why do we have to have art? If you ask me, drawing pictures is for little kids. "Yay, I love art!" announced Andrea, this annoying girl with curly brown hair. Of course Andrea loves art. She loves everything I hate. She even takes art classes after school. Andrea takes classes in everything after school. If they gave classes

in how to blow your nose, she would take that class so she could get better at it. Andrea took a big box out of her desk. It had crayons, colored pencils, glue sticks, and other artsy stuff in it. "When I grow up, I want to be an artist," Andrea said. "My mom thinks I'm really creative. I like to make things." "She should make like a tree and leave," I whispered to Michael, who never ties his shoes. Michael laughed, but Miss Banks made a mean face at him and he stopped laughing really fast. "Any questions before we head to the art room?" asked Miss Banks. "If you add an F to ART you get fart," I said. Everybody laughed because I said "fart." Anytime anybody says the word "fart," you have to laugh. That's the first rule of being a kid.

"That's not a question, A.J.," said Miss Banks. "But thank you for that valuable insight. Onward, fourth graders! To the art room!" The art room is on the other side of the school. We had to walk a million hundred miles to get there. Ryan, who will eat anything, was the door holder. Alexia, this girl who rides a skateboard all the time, was the line leader. Our art teacher, Ms. Hannah, was already waiting for us outside the art room. She was wearing a weird hat. "Good morning, fourth graders!" she said as we filed into the art room. "Do you like my new hat? I made it from bottle caps I found in the garbage can next to the

vending machine in the teachers' lounge." It was the weirdest-looking hat in the history of the world. But I didn't say that, because it would be rude. "Your hat is bee-you-tee-full!" Andrea gushed. "I agree!" said Andrea's crybaby friend, Emily, who always agrees with Andrea. Ms. Hannah could have made her hat out of frog turds and Andrea and Emily would say it was beautiful. Those two love sucking up to teachers. The art room is filled with all kinds of junk—old musical instruments, broken toys, bubble wrap, plastic bags, clothespins. At home, my mom makes me clean up my room all the time and pick up after myself. But I guess art teachers are allowed to be slobs. Hey, maybe I should become an art teacher when I grow up! Neil, who we call the nude kid even though he wears clothes, asked Ms.