8. Talk Like a Grown-Up

8 Talk Like a Grown-Up Did you ever play the Talk Like a Grown- Up game? That's my favorite game in the world. We play it all the time. It's easy. All you have to do is talk like a grown-up. "You can teach me how to be like a mature grown-up?" asked Uncle Fred. "Of course we can," I told him. "It's

simple. Watch." Ryan got up and stood in front of me. "Hello, Ryan," I said, putting on my low man voice. "Hello, A.J.," Ryan replied, in his own deep man voice, and we shook hands. Grown-ups are always shaking hands with each other. Nobody knows why. "Nice weather we've been having," I said. "Yes," said Ryan. "They say it may rain on Friday." "Wait a minute!" interrupted Uncle Fred. "Why are you talking about the weather?" "Because that's mostly what grown-ups talk about," I told him. "They're always talking about the weather." "Who cares about the weather?" Uncle Fred asked. "Nobody," I explained. "Just watch and learn." Ryan and I faced each other again.

"Do you want to play golf next week, Ryan?" I asked. Because grown-ups are always playing golf. "That's a great idea," replied Ryan. "I need to work on my putting." "How's business, old man?" I asked. "I made a million dollars on Tuesday," replied Ryan. "Well, that's inflation," I said.* "You should buy yourself a new car." "Maybe I will," said Ryan. "Say, how about those Dodgers?" "They may go all the way this season," I replied. "The grass in my yard is getting too high," said Ryan. "You need to mow it," I replied. Then I turned to Uncle Fred. "See?" I said. "It's easy to talk like a grown-up!" "But I don't care about golf or business or cars or lawns," said Uncle Fred. "Nobody does!" I explained to him. "But grown-ups are old, so they ran out of

things to say to each other a long time ago. That's why they talk about all that boring stuff. If you talk like that, you'll sound grown-up and mature." "I just don't get it," said Uncle Fred. "It's really simple," I told him. "Repeat after me: The rain in Maine goes mainly down the drain."

"The rain in Maine goes mainly down the drain," said Uncle Fred. "Good," I said. "One more time, where does the rain go?" "Down the drain," he replied. "Down the drain." "And where is that drain?" I asked. "In Maine!" he replied. "In Maine!" "I think he's got it!" Alexia shouted. Teaching Uncle Fred how to talk like a grown-up was a great idea, if I do say so myself. No wonder I'm in the gifted and talented program.