5. I Asked for Watermelons!

5 I Asked for Watermelons! While the commercial was playing on the screen, stagehands ran around with brooms and garbage bags cleaning up the confetti that Uncle Fred had thrown all over the place. Mrs. Crump, the lady who was the head of the TV network, came out to talk to us

again. "Hey, kids, isn't Uncle Fred great?" she asked with way too much enthusiasm. "YEAH!" we all shouted. "I love Uncle Fred!" some kid yelled. "Are you kids having a good time?" asked Mrs. Crump. "YEAH!" "I-CAN'T-HEAR-YOU!" Sheesh. That lady really needs to get her hearing checked. "YEAH!" we shouted louder. "Are you ready for more Uncle Fred?" "YEAH!" Uncle Fred got up from his chair. He wasn't crying anymore. "Okay, we're back," he said. "Everybody get up on your feet!" We all stood up. "You kids spend too much time staring at video game screens," Uncle Fred said. "Let's all do some jumping jacks!" Ugh, I hate jumping jacks. But we had

to do a million hundred of them with Uncle Fred. That guy has way too much energy for a grown-up. I almost fell off the bleachers again. I thought I was gonna die. "Okay, on to the funny stuff," said Uncle Fred. "It's time to sing a song with Mr. Dill, the singing pickle!" Uncle Fred played the piano while this pickle puppet sang on the video screen. I'd be tickled if I had a nickel for every pickle I ever ate! I'd ride my bicycle, I'd pedal very quickle past all the icicles, and I'd never be late! "I've been playing piano for ten years," Uncle Fred said when the song ended. "And I'm really tired! I'll tell you, it's really hard to play the piano while you're taking a shower."

A picture appeared on the screen of Uncle Fred playing a piano in the shower. The cue card guy held up a sign that said LAUGH. We all laughed. "Get lost, buster!" Uncle Fred shouted. After that, Uncle Fred played an accordion. Then he interviewed a goat as if it was a person. Then we all played Simon Says. There was a tug-of-war contest too. Finally, some kids raced to see which one could blow up a balloon and then pop the balloon by sitting on it. It was exhausting just to watch Uncle Fred do his show. "Hey, Alexia!" he shouted. "How are you making out with the Magic Treasure Chest?" "No luck yet," she replied. "Keep working at it!" said Uncle Fred. "Next, we're going to drop watermelons off the roof of the building and shoot a video of them as they hit the ground and explode. Doesn't that sound like fun?"* "YEAH!"

"Follow me, kids!" We were about to get up and follow Uncle Fred to the roof. But that's when the weirdest thing in the history of the world happened. One of the stagehands came over to Uncle Fred. "Uh... Uncle Fred," he said quietly, "we couldn't get the watermelons." "What?" replied Uncle Fred. The stagehand looked like he was trembling with fear. "We, uh, went shopping, and they were all out of watermelons." Uncle Fred looked really mad. "ARE. YOU. SERIOUS?" he asked, raising his voice.

"I'm really sorry, Uncle Fred," said the stagehand. "We went to three supermarkets. They had cantaloupes, but they were all out of watermelons. Do you want us to—" "I ASKED FOR WATERMELONS!" Uncle Fred shouted at him. "IT DOESN'T WORK WITH CANTALOUPES! THIS IS UN-BE- LIEV-A-BLE! I WANT WATERMELONS! I