3. More Fun with Uncle Fred

3 More Fun with Uncle Fred I had forgotten how funny Uncle Fred was. As soon as he finished singing the boat song, he started dancing. "It's time to do the Gerbil Dance!" he shouted. The cue card guy held up a sign that said SHOUT. We all shouted.

"The Gerbil Dance is easy to do," said Uncle Fred. "All you need to do is dance around like a gerbil!" "How do gerbils dance?" some kid yelled. "Watch me!" shouted Uncle Fred. He did this crazy dance where he hopped back and forth on each foot and stuck his fingers in his ears. I really don't think gerbils dance like that. To tell you the truth, I don't think they dance at all. But it was funny. We all got up and did the Gerbil Dance while the music played. I almost fell off the bleachers. "Uncle Fred is a knucklehead!" Ryan said when the music stopped. Uncle Fred threw some confetti in the air and ran up into the bleachers. He stuck his microphone in some girl's face. "Hey, Megan," he said, "what's your favorite kind of dirt?" "Uh... dirty dirt?" she replied.

"Good answer!" Uncle Fred stuck the mic in some other kid's face. "Hey, Andrew," he said, "do you like to eat oatmeal?" "Not really," he replied. Uncle Fred ran over to our side of the bleachers and stuck the mic in Neil's face. "Hey, Neil," he said. "do they call you Neil because you kneel down a lot?" "No, that's my name," Neil replied. "What's your last name?" asked Uncle Fred. "Crouch." "Neil Crouch?" said Uncle Fred. "Both of your names mean the same thing!" The cue card guy held up a sign that said LAUGH. We all laughed. Uncle Fred looked at my name tag and stuck the mic in my face. "What does A.J. stand for?" he asked. "None of your business," I told him.* "Ooooooooh!" everybody oooooooohed.

"Is it Alex Jabroni?" he asked. "No." "Is it Alphabet Jam? Is it Asteroid Jawbreaker? Angry Jacuzzi?" "No!" "A.J. stands for Arlo Jervis," said Andrea. Everybody laughed. I wanted to run away to Antarctica and go live with the penguins. I hate Andrea. "Say, who's got a good joke?" asked Uncle Fred.

A bunch of kids raised their hands. Uncle Fred ran over and stuck the mic in some kid's face. "Why did the man throw his clock out the window?" the kid asked. "I give up," said Uncle Fred. "Why did the man throw his clock out the window?" "He wanted to see time fly!" the kid

said. That is probably the oldest joke in the book. But Uncle Fred laughed like it was the funniest thing in the history of the world. "Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!" he cackled. "Get lost, buster!" Uncle Fred threw some confetti in the air and ran over to the side of the stage, where Alexia was trying to open the Magic Treasure Chest. "How are you making out, Alexia?" he asked. "Gross!" she replied. "I'm not making out! I'm trying to open the Magic Treasure Chest." "Keep working at it!" shouted Uncle Fred. Then he sat down in a chair and picked up a book. "Now I'm going to read you a story," Uncle Fred said. "It's called Winnie the Pooh." What?!