8. This Means War!

8 This Means War! Smoke was pouring out of my ears. Well, not really. But if smoke could pour out of somebody's ears, it definitely would have been pouring out of mine. I walked a million hundred miles to the vomitorium for lunch. It used to be called the cafetorium, but then some first grader threw up in there. I saw all my friends

这意味着战争！烟从我耳朵里冒出来。 嗯，不完全是。但如果烟能从人的耳朵里冒出来，那肯定是从我的耳朵里冒出来的。 我走了一百多英里去体育馆吃午饭。 以前叫食堂，后来有个一年级的学生在里面吐了。 我看到了我所有的朋友

sitting at our usual table. Our lunch lady, Ms. Hall, was behind the counter. "We have a special lunch today," she told me. "You have the choice of frog legs, fish eyeballs, roasted grasshoppers, or braunschweiger." "What's braunschweiger?" I asked. "It's a sausage that tastes like what a wet dog smells like," said Ms. Hall. Ugh. I thought I was gonna throw up. "I'm not hungry," I said. "Just kidding!" said Ms. Hall. "Do you want a hot dog, a grilled cheese sandwich, or chicken strips?" Now the other grown-ups were pulling pranks on me! It was contagious! I took a hot dog and went over to the table where everybody was sitting. I told the gang what Miss Banks did to me with the glasses of water and the voice-activated paper towel dispenser. "She's out to get me," I complained as I took a bite out of my hot dog.

坐在我们常坐的桌子旁。 我们的午餐女服务员霍尔女士就在柜台后面。 “我们今天有一顿特别的午餐，”她告诉我。 “你可以选择蛙腿、鱼眼、烤蚱蜢或布伦瑞格。” “熏肝香肠是什么?”我问。 “这种香肠尝起来就像湿狗闻起来的味道。” 大厅。啊。我以为我要吐了。 “我不饿，”我说。“开个玩笑！” 大厅。“你想要热狗、烤奶酪三明治还是鸡肉条？”现在其他的成年人都在捉弄我！它是会传染的！我拿了一个热狗，走到大家都坐着的那张桌子旁。 我把班克斯小姐用水杯和声控纸巾机对我做的事告诉了他们。 “她是来抓我的，”我一边咬了一口热狗一边抱怨道。

"She's out to get all of us," Michael said. "Miss Banks pulls lots of pranks," said Neil. "She's like a prank machine." "We've got to get back at her," I said, lowering my voice so they couldn't hear me at the other tables. "Yeah," everybody agreed, even Andrea and Emily. "We're not gonna take it," whispered Neil. "If Miss Banks is going to prank us all the time, we should prank her right back!" "Yeah," whispered Ryan. "We'll show

“她要对付我们所有人，”迈克尔说。 “班克斯小姐喜欢搞恶作剧，”尼尔说。 “她就像一台恶作剧机器。” “我们得报复她，”我说，压低了声音，以免其他桌的人听到。 “是啊，”所有人都同意，包括安德里亚和艾米丽。 “我们不会接受的。”尼尔小声说。 “如果班克斯小姐老是捉弄我们，我们就应该也捉弄她！”“是啊，”瑞恩小声说。 “我们将展示

her!" "Nobody pranks us and gets away with it," whispered Alexia. "That's right!" I whispered. "So what can we do to get back at her?" asked Andrea. Hmmm. For once in her life, Andrea had a good question. None of us had ever pranked a teacher before. This was new territory. "We could get some fake vomit and put it on her chair," Michael suggested.

她!”“没人能捉弄我们而不受惩罚。”阿丽克西娅小声说。 “没错!”我低声说。 “那我们怎样才能报复她呢？”安德烈问。 嗯。安德里亚有生以来第一次提出了一个好问题。 我们从来没有捉弄过老师。 这是一个新领域。“我们可以弄点假呕吐物放在她的椅子上。”迈克尔建议道。

"Nah," I said. "That's the oldest trick in the book." "Where would we get fake vomit anyway?" asked Ryan. "From Rent-Fake-Vomit," I said. "You can rent anything." "We could put yellow sticky notes all over her car," suggested Neil. "That would be funny." "I don't know if Miss Banks has a car,"

“不，”我说。“这是书上最古老的把戏了。” “我们上哪儿弄假呕吐物呢？”瑞恩问。 “从Rent-Fake-Vomit，”我说。 “你可以租任何东西。”“我们可以在她的车上贴满黄色便利贴，”尼尔建议道。 “那会很有趣。”“我不知道班克斯小姐有没有车。”

I said. "What if we TP'd her house?" suggested Michael. "We don't know where she lives," said Ryan. "We could put soy sauce in her coffee," suggested Alexia. "That would be nasty." "We could empty out her desk drawer and fill it with Cheerios," suggested Emily. "We don't have any soy sauce or Cheerios," I reminded them. "Then what are we gonna do?" asked Neil. I thought about it. Then I thought about it some more. I thought so hard that I thought my head was going to explode. I looked at the clock. Soon it would be time for dismissal. We had to come up with something fast. Emily got up to scrape her tray into the garbage can. As she did, one of her books fell off the table. That's when I came up with the most brilliant idea for a prank in the history of

我说。“我们给她的房子施TP怎么样？”迈克尔建议道。 “我们不知道她住在哪里，”瑞恩说。 “我们可以在她的咖啡里放酱油，”亚历克西娅建议道。 “那就太恶心了。”“我们可以把她的书桌抽屉腾空，装满麦圈，”艾米丽建议道。 “我们没有酱油，也没有麦圈，”我提醒他们。 “那我们该怎么办？”尼尔问。 我想了想。然后我又想了想。 我拼命地想，我的头都要爆炸了。 我看了看钟。很快就要下课了。 我们必须尽快想出办法。 爱米丽起身把她的盘子刮进垃圾桶。 就在这时，她的一本书从桌子上掉了下来。 就在那时，我想出了有史以来最聪明的恶作剧点子