7. Antisocial Studies

7 Antisocial Studies We were all really mad that Miss Banks gave us toothpaste-filled Oreos. Nobody took another bite. Well, nobody except Ryan, of course. He'll eat anything. "Miss Banks," said Little Miss Perfect, "what are we going to learn in social studies this year?" "Oh, we're going to learn about the

thirteen colonies and Lewis and Clark and geography and the Revolutionary War and the Bill of Rights* and the three branches of government and blah blah blah blah..." Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz... Oh, sorry. I dozed off again. Brrrrrriiiiinnnnnnggggg! It was the lunch bell. That woke me up. Our lunch bell makes a sound like the word "bring." Nobody knows why. Everybody started lining up to go to the vomitorium. "A.J.," said Miss Banks, "before you go to lunch, may I speak with you for a moment?" "OOOOOOH!" everybody oooooohed. "A.J.'s in trouble!" When everybody had left the room, Miss Banks came over to my desk. "I just wanted you to know," she told me, "that I'm not picking on you. I like to pull pranks on all of my students. It's what I do."

"That's okay," I told her. "I can handle it." "Great!" she said as she went over to the sink and filled two glasses with water. "I bet you can't balance a glass of water on both hands at the same time." Hey, nobody tells me what I can or can't do. "I bet I can," I told her. "Here," Miss Banks said, "put your hands on your desk, palms down." I put my hands on my desk. Miss Banks carefully put one of the glasses of water on my left hand. Then she put the other glass of water on my right hand. "See?" I said. "I can balance both of them at the same time." "I guess you're right," she said. "Very good, A.J. I'll see you later." And then she walked out of the room. "But—" I looked around. I was all by myself in the classroom. I had two glasses of water

on my hands. If I moved either of my hands even a little bit, the glasses would fall off and water would spill all over my desk and stuff! There was nothing I could do! "Miss Banks!" I shouted. But she was gone. She had pranked me!

Again! "Help!" I shouted. "Somebody! Help!" I was standing there with the glasses of water on my hands for like a million hundred hours! It looked like I was going to be there for the rest of my life! To make things worse, I suddenly realized that I had to go to the bathroom. I didn't know what to do! And you'll never believe who walked into the door at that moment. Nobody! Why would you walk into a door? You could break your nose! I thought we went over this in Chapter Five. But you'll never believe who walked into the doorway. It was Mrs. Stoker, our principal! "A.J.," she said. "Why aren't you at lunch with the rest of your class?" "Miss Banks pranked me!" I said. "She bet I couldn't balance these glasses of water on my hands. Then she left me like this. And now I have to go to the

bathroom!" I was trying not to cry. "Calm down, A.J.," Mrs. Stoker said as she picked up the glasses. "You can go to the bathroom and then meet your class in the lunchroom." I walked a million hundred miles to the bathroom. After I did my business, I washed my hands and went over to the