7. Feeling the Buns

7 Feeling the Buns Practice makes perfect. That's what Mrs. Bacon tells us. When I got home from school, I could have practiced playing my tuba, but I decided to play video games instead. Then I was going to practice my tuba after dinner, but there was a

game on TV, so I watched it. Then I was going to practice my tuba after the game was over, but I had to clean my room because my mom told me to do that about a year ago. Then I was going to practice my tuba after I cleaned my room, but it was almost bedtime, so it was too late to practice my tuba. All week long, I had a lot of important stuff to do that made it impossible to practice my tuba. I had to make my bed. I had to floss my teeth. I had to line up my collection of Pez dispensers in size order. You know, important stuff. When I got to school the next Thursday, there were sixteen geese out in the playground. Sixteen! I counted them. They were multiplying. I didn't even know geese could do math!

That's a joke. But seriously, not only were the geese multiplying, they were also dropping their goose poop all over the playground. It was gross. After we pledged the allegiance, we went to room 303. "Have you kids been practicing?" Mrs. Bacon asked as we walked in. "I forgot," said Michael. "I forgot," said Alexia. "I forgot," said Ryan. "I forgot," said Neil. "I forgot," said Emily.

Mrs. Bacon didn't look happy. "I've been practicing!" shouted Andrea. Ugh. "Okay," Mrs. Bacon said, "let's try 'Hot Cross Buns.'" I sat between Ryan and Little Miss Perfect. Mrs. Bacon waved her chopstick around and we played "Hot Cross Buns." It sounded horrible.

"No!" shouted Mrs. Bacon. "You're not feeling the buns!" After we finished the song, Andrea leaned over to me. "Hey, Arlo," she whispered. "Can you play solo?" "Sure," I said. "Then why don't you play so low we can't hear you?" "Oh, snap!" said Ryan. Playing tuba is hard. You've got to push those buttons and blow into the mouthpiece and hold the big tuba up all at the same time. But Mrs. Bacon said I was making progress, and she gave me my yellow belt. Of course, Little Miss Know-It-All had already earned her yellow, orange, green, and blue belts. Why can't a truck full of hot cross buns fall on her head?

After we played the song a few more times, Mrs. Bacon taught us a song with four notes—"Mary Had a Little Lamb." That's a weird song. It's about a lamb that follows a girl to school. Why would a lamb go to school? If I was a lamb, I would just stand around eating grass all day. School is the last place I'd go. Besides, how would a barnyard animal get through school security? At my school, visitors can't come in unless they show their ID to Officer Spence, our security guard. If a lamb ever snuck into our school, there would be a lockdown, and Officer Spence would probably shoot it with a tranquilizer dart. Anyway, after we learned "Mary Had a Little Lamb," Mrs. Bacon taught us some other songs that don't have