6. Musicians Are Gross

6 Musicians Are Gross "Let's talk about spit," Mrs. Bacon said as we took our seats the next Thursday. Well, that's a weird way to start class. Mrs. Bacon told us that when you blow into a mouthpiece, some of your saliva gets inside it. She said that brass

instruments like trumpets, trombones, and tubas have this thing called a "spit valve." Every so often you need to open it to blow the spit out of your instrument. Mrs. Bacon took Alexia's trombone and showed her the spit valve. Then she told us to find the spit valve on our instruments. I looked all over my tuba until I found the spit valve. I pushed it, and some spit dripped out. "Hey, look!" I announced. "My tuba is peeing!"

Everybody thought that was hilarious. Well, everybody except Andrea, of course. "That's disgusting, Arlo," she said. "Why don't you take your tuba to the boys' room and empty your spit there?" Hmmm, not a bad idea. Going to the bathroom is a great way to get out of class. That's the first rule of being a kid.* "Can I go to the bathroom?" I asked

Mrs. Bacon. "I hope so," she replied. "If you can't, you should go to a doctor." Oh, yeah, I always forget. Grown-ups don't like it when you say can I go to the bathroom. Nobody knows why. We're supposed to say may I go to the bathroom. "May I go to the bathroom?" I asked. "Certainly," replied Mrs. Bacon. I walked down the hall to the boys' room. It wasn't easy getting into the stall with my tuba. But I did it. I found the spit valve and opened it. Then I blew into the mouthpiece. That's when the weirdest thing in the history of the world happened. MY MOUTHPIECE FELL INTO

THE TOILET BOWL! Noooooooooo! I thought I was gonna die! This was the worst thing to happen since National Poetry Month! I wanted to run away to Antarctica and live with the penguins. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know what to do. I had to think fast. So I ran back to room 303.

"I need your help," I whispered to Ryan. "I dropped my tuba mouthpiece into the toilet bowl." "Dude, I'm not sticking my hand into a toilet bowl," Ryan replied. "Me neither!" I said. "What should I do?"