1. National Dessert Day

1 National Dessert Day My name is A.J. and I hate going to the dentist. Dentists are weird. Why would anybody want to be a dentist? Who wants to stick their hands in people's mouths all day long? That's just gross. I only mention this because the other day the weirdest thing in the history of the

我的名字是A.J. 我讨厌去看牙医。 牙医很奇怪。为什么会有人想当牙医呢？ 谁想整天把手伸进别人嘴里？ 这太恶心了。我提到这个是因为前几天史上最奇怪的事

world happened. It was October 14. We were in Mr. Cooper's class. We pledged the allegiance and did the Word of the Day, like we do every day. That's when the weirdness started. "Okay, let's get to work," said Mr. Cooper. "Turn to page twenty-three in your math books." Ugh. I hate math. But that's when a voice came over the loudspeaker. It was Mrs. Patty, the school secretary. "Attention, students in Mr. Cooper's class..." she announced. "Not again," muttered Mr. Cooper."... please report to Mrs. Cooney's office."

世界发生了。那天是10月14日。 我们在库珀先生的班上。 我们宣誓效忠，并像每天一样做每日之言。 这就是奇怪的开始。 “好了，我们开始工作吧，”库珀先生说。 “翻到数学课本的第二十三页。” 啊。我讨厌数学。但就在这时，喇叭里传来了一个声音。 是帕蒂夫人，学校的秘书。 “库珀先生班上的同学们，请注意……” 她宣布。“别再这样了，”库珀先生喃喃地说，“…… 请到库尼太太的办公室报到。”

Mrs. Cooney is our school nurse. She has

库尼夫人是我们学校的护士。 她有

blue eyes that look like cotton candy yogurt. The kind with no sprinkles. One time, she begged me to marry her, but I told her I couldn't because she was already married to some guy named Mr. Cooney. "Pringle up, everybody," said Mr. Cooper. We all lined up, like Pringles. Everybody was wondering why we were going to the nurse's office.

蓝眼睛看起来像棉花糖酸奶。 没有糖屑的那种。 有一次，她求我娶她，但我告诉她我不能，因为她已经嫁给了一个叫库尼先生的人。 “大家都振作起来，”库珀说。 我们都像品客薯片一样排队。 每个人都想知道我们为什么要去护士办公室。

"Mrs. Cooney is probably going to check to see if we have head lice," said Andrea Young, this annoying girl with curly brown hair. "Headlights?" I said. "I don't have headlights." "Why would we bring headlights to school?" asked Ryan, who will eat anything, even stuff that isn't food. "I don't think headlights would fit in my backpack," said Michael, who never ties his shoes. "You could bring two backpacks," suggested Alexia, this girl who rides a skateboard all the time. "One for each headlight." "How would you get the headlights off a car?" asked Neil, who we call the nude kid even though he wears clothes. "Not headlights, you dumbheads!" shouted Andrea. "Head lice!"

“库尼太太可能会去检查我们是否有头虱，”安德里亚·杨（Andrea Young）说，她是一个令人讨厌的棕色卷发女孩。 “头灯?”我说。“我没有车灯。” “我们为什么要把车灯带到学校来？”瑞安问，他什么都吃，甚至不是食物的东西。 “我觉得我的背包装不下车灯，”从不系鞋带的迈克尔说。 “你可以带两个背包，”经常玩滑板的女孩亚历克西娅建议道。 “每个前灯一个。”“你怎么能把汽车的前灯弄掉呢？”尼尔问，尽管他穿着衣服，我们还是称他为裸体孩子。 “不是车灯，你们这些笨蛋！”安德里亚喊道。 “头虱!”