7. Miss Porter Has Superpowers

7 Miss Porter Has Superpowers We grabbed an empty table in the vomitorium. Everybody had a sandwich, except for Ryan. He had a wichsand. It's a reverse sandwich: bread on the inside and meat on the outside. Ryan is weird. "I feel sad about Mrs. Yonkers getting fired," said Andrea as we sat down. "She was a good computer teacher."

"She was a nice lady too," said Emily. "That math lesson with Miss Porter was a snooze," I said. "Yeah, I thought it was going to be a fun teacher," said Michael. "Well, it can't be fun all the time," Alexia explained. "It has to do some teaching too." "Yeah," said Neil. "It did tell us it was going to be just like a regular teacher." "I still think Miss Porter is cool," said Ryan. "I'd rather have a personal digital assistant than a human teacher." "Not me," said Michael. "I'd rather have a real teacher." "Me too," said Neil. "Me three," said Emily. "Me four," I said. "I don't like Miss Porter anymore. I can't wait until Mr. Cooper comes back." At that moment, a voice said, "MR. COOPER WILL BE BACK NEXT MONDAY."

"Ahhhhhhhhhhh!" we all shouted. "Who's that?" I asked, looking all around. "IT'S ME, MISS PORTER," said the voice. Miss Porter appeared in front of us, just like it did in our classroom. "You can move around from room to room?" asked Andrea. "SURE," Miss Porter explained. "AS LONG AS THE ROOM HAS A WI-FI CONNECTION." Miss Porter walked around our table, looking at our plates. "IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE EATING FOR LUNCH?" it asked as it passed by Neil. "YOU SHOULD BE EATING MORE FRUITS AND VEGETABLES." "I usually have carrots," Neil said, "but my mom didn't give me any today."

"ALL THAT BREAD IS NOT GOOD FOR YOU," Miss Porter said to Alexia. "TOO MANY CARBS." I didn't know what carbs were, but they sounded gross. I leaned over to Michael, who was sitting next to me. "Miss Porter is annoying," I whispered in his ear. "I HEARD THAT, A.J.," said Miss Porter. Sheesh! It has great hearing. It hears everything.

I took a pen out of my pocket and wrote on a napkin: MISS PORTER IS A POOPYHEAD. Then I gave the note to Michael. "I SAW THAT, A.J.," said Miss Porter. "REMEMBER, I HAVE A BUILT-IN CAMERA. IT HAS HIGH RESOLUTION." Man! It has superhearing and supervision! And I thought Mr. Cooper was a superhero. We couldn't even whisper around Miss Porter. We couldn't even pass notes around it. We couldn't get away with anything around it.* It is no fun at all. BRRRRRRIIIINNNNNGGGGG! The bell rang, which meant it was time for recess. We scraped off our plates into the garbage can. As we left the vomitorium and walked past the office, I noticed our science teacher, Mr. Docker, was standing there with Mr. Harrison, the school tech guy. He fixes stuff that breaks. They were each

holding a big cardboard box, and they both looked really sad. "Where are you guys going?" asked Alexia. "Home," Mr. Docker replied. "We just got