5. Boys!

5 Boys! Miss Porter was dancing around the room, singing "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star." And you'll never believe who walked into the door at that moment. Nobody! It would hurt if you walked into a door. I thought we went over that in Chapter 2. But you'll never believe who walked into the doorway.

It was our principal, Mr. Klutz! He has no hair at all. I mean none. I think he used to have hair a long time ago, but it all went down his bathtub drain. "HELLO, MR. KLUTZ!" said Miss Porter. "TO WHAT DO WE OWE THE PLEASURE OF YOUR COMPANY?" That's grown-up talk that means "What are you doing here?" "Oh," he replied. "I just wanted to drop in and see how you and the kids were making out." "Ugh, gross!" we all shouted. "I was walking by the door when I noticed that Miss Porter had generated a 3D image of itself," said Mr. Klutz. "YES," Miss Porter said. "I FEEL THAT WHEN THE STUDENTS CAN SEE ME AS A HUMAN FORM, IT HELPS THEM RELATE TO ME AS A REAL TEACHER." I noticed that a bunch of men had

gathered in the doorway: Mr. Docker, the science teacher; Mr. Macky, the reading specialist; Dr. Brad, the school counselor; Mr. Tony, the after-school-program director; Officer Spence, the security guard; Mr. Harrison, the tech guy; Mr. Louie, the crossing guard. Even Mr. Burke, the guy who mows the lawn, was there. They were all smiling and waving to Miss Porter.* "HELLO," Miss Porter replied. "IF YOU'LL EXCUSE US, WE REALLY SHOULD START OUR LESSONS NOW." "Can I have your phone number?" asked Mr. Harrison.

Huh? That was a weird thing to ask. "I DON'T HAVE A PHONE," replied Miss Porter. "I AM NOT A HUMAN." "Maybe we can have dinner sometime?" asked Officer Spence. "I'M SORRY," said Miss Porter. "BUT I DO

NOT EAT FOOD." "Will you go to the movies with me?" asked Mr. Burke. "ARE YOU ASKING ME OUT ON A DATE?" said Miss Porter. "Just ignore those guys," said Mr. Tony. He got down on one knee in front of Miss Porter. "Will you marry me?" WHAT?! "Are you crazy?" shouted Andrea. "Miss Porter isn't even a human being! She's a... I mean, it's a machine!" "So what?" asked Mr. Tony. "It's beautiful. It's smart. It has a wonderful sense of humor and a great personality. It has no problems. I want to spend the rest of my life with it." "But it's not real!" Alexia shouted. "You can't marry a personal digital assistant!" "I don't care!" said Mr. Tony. "I love it! Marry me, Miss Porter! We'll be so happy

together. Please, please, please?" Mr. Tony looked at Miss Porter with puppy dog eyes. "I'M VERY FLATTERED," said Miss Porter. "BUT THAT WOULD REALLY BE IM—" Miss Porter didn't have the chance to finish its sentence, because Dr. Brad and Mr. Docker were on their knees now. "No, marry me!" said Dr. Brad. "He's no good for you," said Mr. Docker. "Marry me!" "I DON'T EVEN KNOW ANY OF YOU!" said Miss Porter. The men didn't seem to care that Miss Porter wasn't a human being. "Hey, I asked it to marry me first!" shouted Mr. Tony. "Marry me, Miss Porter!" shouted Mr. Louie. Then Mr. Klutz and Mr. Macky got down on their knees and asked Miss Porter to