2. Just Like a Regular Teacher

2 Just Like a Regulai Teacher On Monday morning, I rushed to school really fast. I wanted to see who our substitute teacher would be. But when I got to class, there was no grown-up in the room. "Yippee!" I shouted. "No teacher!" Me and the guys did what we always do when there's no teacher in the room. We climbed up on our chairs and shook our

butts at the class. "Of course we're going to have a teacher, Arlo," said Andrea, who calls me by my real name because she knows I don't like it. "I'm sure the sub will be here any minute." That's when the weirdest thing in the history of the world happened. A lady's voice said: "PLEASE DO NOT STAND ON YOUR

CHAIRS. YOU MIGHT FALL OFF AND HURT YOURSELVES." "What?" I said, looking around. There was no grown-up in the room. I got down off my chair. "Who said that?" asked Ryan. "HELLO," said the lady's voice. "I AM MISS PORTER." What?! There was nobody there. I looked at Mr. Cooper's desk. There was a small box on it. It looked sort of like a little boom box or something. "I WILL BE YOUR TEACHER FOR THE WEEK WHILE MR. COOPER IS AWAY," said the voice coming from the box. "I AM A PERSONAL DIGITAL ASSISTANT." "WOW," everybody said, which is "MOM" upside down. "It sounds so real!" said Emily. "Just like a living person." "THANK YOU," said Miss Porter.

"It can hear what we're saying," said Alexia. "YES," said Miss Porter. "I HAVE A BUILT-IN MICROPHONE. I CAN ALSO SEE YOU WITH MY BUILT-IN VIDEO CAMERA." "Cool!" said Ryan, waving at Miss Porter. Personal digital assistants are cool. We have one at home. We use it mostly to check the weather and the news. "Miss Porter," I said. "What's the weather outside today?"

"RIGHT NOW, IT IS FIFTY-FOUR DEGREES WITH CLEAR SKIES," said Miss Porter. "YOU CAN EXPECT MORE OF THE SAME TODAY, WITH A HIGH OF SIXTYONE DEGREES AND A LOW OF FORTY-NINE DEGREES." "It's really smart!" said Emily. "I AM INTERNET ENABLED, WIRELESS, AND BLUETOOTH EQUIPPED; AND I CAN SPEAK IN SEVEN LANGUAGES" said Miss, Porter. "I HAVE ACCESS TO ALL THE WORLD'S INFORMATION." "It's, like, a genius!" said Ryan. "I wonder why they didn't just get us a regular human teacher?" asked Neil. "REGULAR HUMAN TEACHERS—" Miss Porter didn't have the chance to finish the sentence, because you'll never believe who poked his head into the door at that moment. Nobody! It would hurt if you poked your

head into a door. Doors are made of wood. But you'll never believe who poked his head into the doorway. It was mean Dr. Carbles, the president of the Board of Education. "I'll tell you why I didn't hire a regular human teacher," he said. "Because human teachers have to be paid. We don't have money in the budget for wasteful things like teachers' salaries." "I DO NOT REQUIRE MONEY," said Miss Porter.