1. Noooooooooo!

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1 Noooooooooo! My name is A.J. and I hate washing my hands. What's the point of washing your hands? They're just going to get dirty again in a few minutes. For that matter, what's the point of washing anything? When you wash your car, it's just going to get dirty again. When you wash your clothes, they're just going to get

dirty again. If you ask me, we could save a lot of time if we would stop washing stuff. Anyway, it was Friday morning. Everybody in my class was putting their backpacks into their cubbies. Annoying Andrea and her crybaby friend Emily were washing their hands in the sink at the back of the room. "I always wash my hands to start each day," said Andrea. "It makes me feel clean." "Me too," said Emily, who always does everything Andrea does. "Hey, do you want to come over to my house after school today?" "Sorry," Andrea told her, "but I have my computer class after school." What is her problem? Andrea is the only kid in our class who has her own smartphone, and she takes classes after school in everything. If they gave a class in nose picking, she would take that class so

she could get better at it. That's when our teacher, Mr. Cooper, came flying into the room. And I do mean flying. Mr. Cooper wears a cape, and he thinks he's a superhero. For once, he didn't trip over anything and fall on the floor. "I have to go to the bathroom to wash my hands," Mr. Cooper said. "I'll be right back. It's an emergency!" A hand-washing emergency? That was weird. When Mr. Cooper came back from the bathroom, we pledged the allegiance and did Word of the Day. "I have big news," he told us. Uh-oh. Big news usually means bad news. "You were fired?" asked Michael, who never ties his shoes. "You're quitting?" asked Ryan, who will eat anything, even stuff that isn't food. "You're dying?" asked Neil, who we call

the nude kid even though he wears clothes. "The earth is going to be destroyed by an asteroid?" asked Alexia, this girl who rides a skateboard all the time. "No, it's none of those things," said Mr. Cooper. "The big news is that I'm going to be away all next week." WHAT?! That's even worse than the earth getting destroyed by an asteroid!

"I'm going to visit my sister," Mr. Cooper told us. "She lives in Spain." "Noooooooooo!" "Don't go!" "You can't leave us!" Everybody was yelling and screaming and shrieking and hooting and hollering and freaking out. Even with a weird teacher like Mr. Cooper, at least you know what to expect. When there's a substitute teacher, you never know what you're gonna get. The sub could be even weirder. "Who will be our teacher?" asked Alexia. "Will it be a man?" asked Neil. "Will it be a lady?" "Will she be nice?" asked Emily, who always cares about how nice everybody is. "I really don't know," Mr. Cooper told us. "Dr. Carbles from the Board of Education told me he's going to find somebody to take my place while I'm gone."