5 The Happy Little Clam

5 The Happy Little Clam When I was a little kid—about a year ago —my favorite singer was this teenage rapper named Cray-Z. You may have heard of him. He had this really famous song about a guy named Klepto from the South Pole who comes down your chimney on Christmas Eve and steals everybody's presents.* It ends like this...

The name's Klepto and I'm from the South Pole. I grab all your presents. That's how I roll. On Christmas Eve, I go 'round the world, and steal all the presents from boys and girls. "The Christmas Klepto" was probably the biggest hit in the history of music. Everybody was singing it during the holidays. Cray-Z was on a bunch of TV shows. Girls would scream their heads off as soon as they saw him. Cray-Z was so famous, even grown-ups knew all about him. Well, that was last year. Nobody listens to Cray-Z anymore. I heard that he dropped out of school and was working at a car wash. Now, the hottest singer in the world is Lil Mouse. He's all over the internet and he is so cool. All his songs are about animals, and he dances around dressed as

a mouse while he's singing. He's got songs about giraffes, sea turtles, and orangutans. Lil Mouse is more famous than Cray-Z ever was. That's why he wears a mouse costume. If people knew what he really looked like, Lil Mouse wouldn't be able to step outside without being mobbed by fans. Lil Mouse's newest song is "The Happy Little Clam." It goes like this... I'm happy as a clam. I'm happy as a clam. Who decided clams are happy? I say it's a sham.

What's the deal with clams? I don't understand. They live in dirty water and they don't have hands. I'm happy as I am. Don't wanna be a clam. I'd rather be a lamb,

or a ham, or a ram, or a yam, or just about anything but a clam. Lemme give you a clue. Here's some things clams can't do. They can't play ball or go to the mall. They can't sing a song or play Ping-Pong. They can't make pottery. Can't win the lottery. They can't build a dam. They can't ride a tram, or hit a grand slam, or pass an exam. They can't even post on Instagram. Go for a walk? Fly like a hawk? They can't even talk! Maybe I'm spoiled 'cause I've never been boiled.

In my dreams, I don't get steamed, baked, broiled, pickled, or fried. If I was a clam, I'd go and hide. No, thank you, ma'am. Don't wanna be a clam. Can't say it any louder. Don't wanna be a chowder. I don't know why we say they're happy. Seems to me clam lives are @#$%^&! Cool song, huh? I heard that Lil Mouse made up "The Happy Little Clam" in his bedroom one morning. Then he recorded it before lunch that day and posted it on the internet. The song went viral, and by dinnertime Lil Mouse was just about the most famous person in the history of the world. When I grow up, I want to be a rapper like Lil Mouse. And he's going to be