7 The Big Joke-Off

7 The Big Joke-Off I'd never heard of a joke-off. I didn't know what it was. But the news about the big joke-off between Mrs. Stoker and Mrs. Jafee spread around the school like wildfire. Well, not exactly. That would have been dangerous. But when the dismissal bell rang, just about everybody who

wasn't taking the bus home went out to the playground. We were all buzzing, which was weird because we're not bees. Five minutes later, Mrs. Stoker came out of the school and walked over to the middle of the blacktop. Then Mrs. Jafee came out. She was holding a book called 1001 Insults for All Occasions. They both looked really serious. "Mrs. Stoker is gonna crush Mrs. Jafee," I heard some fourth grader say. "She's a professional comedian." "You can do it, Mrs. Jafee!" shouted some other kid. We formed a big circle around Mrs. Jafee and Mrs. Stoker. Everybody stopped talking. "I am the rightful principal of Ella Mentry School," said Mrs. Jafee. "In your dreams!" said Mrs. Stoker.

"I was hired fair and square. I got the job. Why don't you go count the spoons in the lunchroom?"* "OOOOOOOO!" everybody ooooooooed. "There's only one way to settle this," said Mrs. Jafee. "A joke-off. You and me. No jokes barred. The first one to laugh is the loser. The other one gets to be principal. Agreed?" "Agreed," said Mrs. Stoker. I guess joke-offs are one of those things that grown-ups do when kids aren't around. Because Mrs. Jafee and Mrs. Stoker seemed to know exactly what to do. They shook hands. Then they stood back-to-back. Then they walked five paces away from each other and turned around. You should have been there. There was electricity in the air!

Well, not really. We already discussed that in Chapter Three. Mrs. Jafee went first. She opened her book. "If you were any dumber," she said to Mrs. Stoker, "somebody would have to water you twice a week."

"OOOOOOOO!" everybody ooooooooed.

"Oh, snap!" said Ryan. Mrs. Stoker didn't crack a smile. "That was totally pathetic," she said. "I would say you're as dumb as a rock, but at least a rock can hold a door open." "OOOOOOOO!" everybody ooooooooed. "Oh, snap!" said Ryan. Mrs. Jafee didn't laugh. She was frantically flipping through the pages in her book. "Nice try," Mrs. Jafee said. "Y'know, I thought of you today. It reminded me to take out the garbage." "OOOOOOOO!" everybody ooooooooed. "Oh, snap!" said Ryan. "I fail to see the humor," said Mrs. Stoker. "You're the reason why they have to put directions on shampoo