6 But Seriously

6 But Seriously We were in the vomitorium eating lunch. I had a sandwich. Michael had a sandwich. Alexia had a sandwich. Everybody had a sandwich except for Ryan. He had a wichsand. That's a sandwich with the meat on the outside. Ryan is weird. "So did Mrs. Stoker give you

detention?" asked Neil. "No," Andrea and I replied. "Is she going to tell your parents you were talking during D.E.A.R. time?" asked Emily. "No," I said. "She just made us listen to a million hundred bad jokes." I looked up. Mrs. Stoker was talking to some fifth graders at the other end of the vomitorium. "Oh no," said Andrea. "Here she comes. She's going to tell more jokes." Mrs. Stoker was walking toward our table. "Hide your face," I said. "Maybe she won't notice us." We all looked at the ground. If you don't want a grown-up to talk to you, look at the ground. That's the first rule of being a kid. "It's too late," whispered Andrea.

"She sees us." Mrs. Stoker stopped right in front of our table. "Hi boys and girls!" she said cheerfully. "Hey, did you ever notice that lunch ladies wear those funny hairnets? What's up with that?" "Hello, Mrs. Stoker," we all said.

"You know," she told us, "the clock in this lunchroom is slow. Yeah, it's always going back for seconds. Get it? Going back for seconds? Actually, I'm kind of mad at that clock. It really gets me ticked off." I tried my best to laugh at her jokes, but it wasn't easy. "But seriously," said Mrs. Stoker. "I opened my refrigerator door the other day and a carrot was blushing." "Don't ask why the carrot was blushing," I whispered under my breath. "Why was the carrot blushing?" asked Emily. "It saw the salad dressing!" said Mrs. Stoker. "Get it? Speaking of salad, did you hear about the lettuce that won a race? Yeah, it was a head the whole time." There was no stopping her. She just

kept telling joke after joke. "My cookie had to go to the hospital," Mrs. Stoker told us. "Yeah, it felt crummy. And my baby strawberries are always crying. Well, their parents were in a jam. And my teddy bear never likes to eat dessert. He says he's stuffed. Hey, what did one plate say to the other plate? Dinner is on me! Get it?" Wow, Mrs. Stoker sure knows a lot of food jokes. I looked at Michael. Michael looked at Ryan. Ryan looked at Neil. Neil looked at Alexia. Alexia looked at me. We were all looking at each other. "Uh, I think it's time for us to go to recess," Alexia said. "Yeah," we all agreed, picking up our trays. "Is it recess already?" asked Mrs. Stoker. "Hey, why do they call it recess?

Is that when you cess again? What's a cess? I say the best candy to eat after lunch is Recess Pieces. Get it?" We were going to clear off our plates and run out of there before she could tell any more jokes, but that's when the weirdest thing in the history of the world happened. Mrs. Jafee came into the vomitorium. She walked right up and stuck her face a few inches from Mrs. Stoker's face. She looked mad. "We need to talk," said Mrs. Jafee. "Is there a problem?" asked Mrs. Stoker. "Yeah," Mrs. Jafee replied. "When Mr. Klutz retired, I should have been named the new principal. You are totally unqualified. I have more experience than you. I'm smarter than you. And one more thing... I'm funnier than you."