6. Getting Dirt on Dr. Snow

6 Getting Dirt on Dr. Snow Mrs. Mentry was really mad when all those eggs landed on her. We tried to pick the shells out of her clothes, but she was a gooey mess. I guess the yolk was on her! It looked like she was going to totally freak out, but you'll never believe who came running out of the school at that moment. It was Mr. Klutz, our principal! He has no

hair at all. I mean none. If they gave out prizes to people who have the least amount of hair, Mr. Klutz would win. "I am soooooo sorry!" Mr. Klutz said to Ella Mentry. "I want my money back," she barked as she brushed more eggshells off her dress. "I slipped on maple syrup and was attacked by flying eggs! Take my name off the front of the building! You owe me a million dollars! You're lucky I don't sue!" "Now, now, Mrs. Mentry," said Mr. Klutz. "There, there." Grown-ups always say "now now" and "there there" when they want to calm down an angry person. Nobody knows why. But I guess it must have worked, because Mrs. Mentry calmed down. An ambulance came to take her to the hospital. Before it drove away, Mr. Klutz promised her that she would never get attacked by flying food

again. He also invited her to be his special guest at the science fair. "Please don't make us give back the million dollars," begged Mr. Klutz. "We need that money. It's for... the children." He was making a sad puppy dog face, so we knew he was really desperate.* "I'll think about it," Mrs. Mentry said.

She was still mad. After that, we went inside for lunch. Everybody felt bad about what happened to Mrs. Mentry. I felt worse than anyone because I'm the one who hit her in the head with a box of Honey Sugar Bongos. I wanted to go to Antarctica and live with the penguins. Nobody was talking much while we ate our peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. It was quiet in the vomitorium. After lunch, we went out for recess, but nobody was in the mood to play.

"What do you want to do?" Ryan asked. "I don't know," said Michael. "What do you want to do?" "Let's play Talk Like a Grown-up," I suggested. Talk Like a Grown-up is one of my favorite games. All you have to do is talk like a grown-up, so it has the perfect name. "You start, A.J.," said Alexia. "Nice weather we're having," I said. "It's lovely," said Alexia. "They say it may rain on Friday."

"How is your lawn?" asked Neil. "Mine needs watering." "I want more money," I said. "You're fired!" said Alexia. "I need to lose ten pounds," said Ryan, "and my hair is falling out." "If I don't get coffee, I'll die," said Michael. "Do you want to play golf?" asked Alexia. "Not now," I said. "I have to read the newspaper." "My back hurts," said Neil. "My feet hurt," said Michael. "Everything hurts," said Alexia. "I need to trim my nose hair," I said. Man, talking like a grown-up is boring. I hope I never grow up to be a grown-up. Little Miss Perfect and her crybaby friend, Emily, must have been listening, because they came over to annoy us, as usual.