2. STEM

2 STEM I go to Ella Mentry School. It was named after a rich lady named Ella Mentry, so it has the perfect name: Ella Mentry School. Mrs. Mentry used to be a teacher at our school a long time ago, when dinosaurs walked the earth. After she retired, she donated a million dollars to the school. Mrs. Mentry is really old now and walks

with a cane. She still lives in the neighborhood. So if she forgets her name, she can just walk over to our school and see it on the sign. One time, she came to visit and a food fight broke out in the vomitorium. That was weird. But last week, the weirdest thing in the history of the world happened. Our teacher, Mr. Cooper, came running into our classroom. Well, that's not the weird part. Mr. Cooper comes running into our classroom every day. The weird part was what happened next—a meteorite crashed through the window, smashed into the whiteboard in a giant fireball, and knocked Mr. Cooper onto the floor!

Okay, that didn't really happen. But I thought it would be more interesting than saying that Mr. Cooper tripped over his shoelaces. That's what actually happened. Mr. Cooper thinks he's a superhero, which is why he wears a cape all the time. Only superheroes wear capes. Nobody knows why. But that's the first rule of being a superhero. "I'm okay!" Mr. Cooper said, jumping to

his feet. "Let's start our day, shall we? Turn to page twenty-three in your math books." Ugh, I hate math. Why do we have to study math? Isn't that why Benjamin Franklin invented the calculator?* Luckily, we didn't have to do math. Because at that moment, an announcement came over the loudspeaker. "All classes, please report to the all- purpose room for a surprise assembly." "Oooooooh!" Surprise assemblies have the perfect name, because you never know what's going to happen there. It's like opening up your birthday presents. "Not again!" groaned Mr. Cooper. "Okay, pringle up, everybody!" We lined up like Pringles and walked a million hundred miles to the all-purpose room, which we call the all-porpoise room even though there are no dolphins in there.*

We had to sit boy-girl-boy-girl to make sure that we wouldn't talk to anybody we liked. I had to sit next to Little Miss Know-It-All Andrea and her crybaby friend, Emily. Ugh, disgusting! Everybody sat down. Mr. Cooper told us to sit up straight. So we had to sit down and sit up at the same time. That was weird. I couldn't wait for the big surprise. We were all glued to our seats. Well, not really. That would be weird. Why would anybody glue himself to a seat? How would you get the glue off your pants?

You'll never believe who walked out on the stage at that moment. You probably think it was our principal, Mr. Klutz. But it wasn't. So nah-nah-nah boo-boo on you. It was our science teacher, Mr. Docker! He's weird. Mr. Docker has a car that runs on potatoes. You can read about it in a book called Mr. Docker Is Off His Rocker! But not now! "Good morning, Ella Mentry students," Mr. Docker said. "Do you kids know what STEM stands for?" "Sweet Tomato Elbow Macaroni?" somebody shouted. "Sleeping Turtles Exit Maryland?" "Smart Telephones Eliminate Money?" "Stop Trying to Eat Monsters?" "No," said Mr. Docker. "STEM stands for Science, Technology, Engineering, and Math." "Ohhhhhh."