1. The L Word

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1 The L Word My name is A.J. and I love peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. That's right. I love peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. And I'm not ashamed to say it out loud, right in the middle of the vomitorium! "What?!" shouted Michael, who never ties his shoes. "A.J., did you just say the L

word?" "A.J. said the L word!" shouted Ryan, who will eat anything, even stuff that isn't food. "A.J. said the L word!" shouted Neil, who we call the nude kid even though he wears clothes. "A.J. said the L word!" shouted Alexia, this girl who rides a skateboard all the time.* Everybody was staring at me like I had

just grown a third eyeball in the middle of my head. They all looked like they were going to faint. "Big deal," I said. "I love skateboarding. I love playing football. I love my parents. I love pizza." "I think that's just wonderful, Arlo," said Andrea Young, this annoying girl with curly brown hair. She calls me by my real name because she knows I don't like it. "It's good to talk about the things you love. I love school. I love singing and dancing and reading Shakespeare, and learning new things and getting good grades and—" "Oooh," Ryan said, "A.J. and Andrea are talking about the things they love. They must be in love!" "When are you gonna get married?" asked Michael. The truth is, I love peanut butter and jelly sandwiches because they are awesome.

I love peanut butter. I love jelly. When you put peanut butter and jelly together, they're even more awesome than they were in separate jars. "Saying the word 'love' out loud means you're becoming more mature, Arlo," said Andrea. "I'm so glad to hear that you're turning over a new leaf." What? I didn't turn any leaves over. What do leaves have to do with anything? And why would anybody bother turning over a leaf? Leaves are pretty much the same on both sides, so it's a waste of time to turn them over. Why can't a truck full of leaves fall on Andrea's head?