3 Boycotts and Girlcotts

3 Boycotts and Girlcotts Finally, it was March 17—Saint Patrick's Day. My mom found a green T-shirt in the back of my closet for me to wear. When I got to school, it was like the whole world had turned green. Emily was wearing her big sister's green Girl Scout uniform and green

ribbons in her hair. Alexia had painted her toenails and finger-nails green. Neil dyed his hair green. Ryan and his mom walked their dog to school with him, and the dog was green! "What's wrong with your dog?" I asked Ryan. "We dyed him," he told me. What? Who dyes a dog? "Why did you dye your dog?" I asked. "She's an Irish setter," Ryan explained.

That's just weird. Mrs. Patty greeted everybody on the front steps. She was holding Jake the Snake in her basket, and she was dressed head to toe in green, of course. She even wore a silly-looking green hat that had a buckle on it.

Why do people have buckles on their hats? I can understand a buckle on your pants. It holds up your pants. I can understand a buckle on your shoes. It holds your shoes together. I guess a buckle on your hat holds your brain together. Mr. Klutz was wearing a green shirt with the words "Kiss Me, I'm Irish!" on it.* "I didn't know you were Irish, Mr. Klutz," I said to him. "Everybody is Irish today," he replied. "You can call me Mr. O'Klutz. Or do you think that's going overboard?" Huh? What do boats have to do with Saint Patrick's Day? Finally, the bell rang and we went inside. We pringled up and walked a million hundred miles to Mr. Cooper's class. He thinks he's a superhero. He always wears a cape. But on this day, of course, it was a green cape. And he told us we should call him Mr. O'Cooper. "Top of the mornin', everyone," Mr. O'Cooper said cheerfully. "Let's take attendance. Ryan?" "Here," said Ryan. "Michael?" "Here," said Michael.

"A.J.?" "Not here," I said. "Just kidding. I'm here." I don't get it. What's the point of taking attendance? If we weren't here, we wouldn't be able to say "here." "Alexia?" "Here," said Alexia. "Neil?" "Present," said Neil. Some joker always says "present." What's up with that? "Andrea?" said Mr. O'Cooper. Nobody said anything. I turned around. Andrea wasn't in her seat. "Andrea?" Mr. O'Cooper repeated. "Andrea?" Andrea was... absent! What?! Andrea is never absent. "Hmmm, Andrea must be sick today," said Mr. O'Cooper. "No, she isn't," said Emily. "Andrea called me this morning. She told me she doesn't approve of the way the school is celebrating Saint Patrick's Day, so she isn't coming in today." "Wow, Andrea's boycotting school?" Neil said.

"No, she's girlcotting school," I said. "There's no such thing as girlcotting," said Michael. "Girlcott isn't a word." "It should be," said Ryan. "How come girls are allowed to boycott, but boys aren't allowed to girlcott? It's not fair!" "How come boys get a word and girls don't?" said Alexia. "That's not fair either!" "Yeah!" agreed Emily. We went on like that for a while, arguing about boycotts and girlcotts. I was trying to remember the last time Andrea missed school. I think it was on Take Your Daughter to Work Day. That was the greatest day of my life, because Andrea wasn't around to bug me.